Diary of a Scarlet Cougar

Just for fun - part 7

2012-01-20T15:59:00.002-05:00

Lit from Within: Just for Fun - Part 7

Play with sounds, stones, and flowers. Explore the fun and playfulness of them. Tap into them to enrich your life.

Sing, chant, drum, dance, listen to music. Make it part of your everyday.

Add stones to every room. Their beauty alone adds to the enjoyment of a room, but so does the very energy of each stone. Choose stones with properties you wish to have or that you need.

Flowers inspire a sense of LIFE in a space. Cut flowers, growing potted flowers. But flowers are not just visual additions. Flowers and other plants have scents. Add scents (aromas) to your life as incense or oils, as perfumes or sprays, as bath salts. Maybe even look into Bach Flower Remedies.

For those of you who know me... DUH! I do this all the time! Where do I work? My life is full of music, crystals, and smells.

And yet, my home lacks something... I keep wanting to bring in flowers for the altar... but i have this kitten... this way too curious and troublesome yet totally adorable kitten. So... how do I fix this? OH! I know, I have some lovely fresh art of flowers from my Mom and from an artist on Deviant Art. I can laminate those and put them up.

Find ways to brighten your life. Add pretty stones and fun scents to all your spaces. Life your life with music every day.

Lit from Within - Part 6

2012-01-14T14:36:00.005-05:00

Oops, more like the 6th chapter of Part 4, really. This is all about developing your own sense of style. I never really thought I had a sense of style and have wondered often what is my "style".

Bury the myth that style is for a select few. Observe style. Build on the areas in which your sense of style is already apparent. Think about the clothes you wear. The colors, the fabrics, the accessories. What do you like and what fits your personality? Find accessories that accentuate your style, like a scarf. And have a few really good sets for when you want to really show yourself off. Incorporate your liabilities. make the cane work for your style or the shoes or the hearing air or the glasses. make them part of your 'look'. Feel free to experiment. The secret is not to fit a style, but to become a style setter.

Do what you can do well, and work to do it even better. Then you can set your own trends.

So, what I wear has come up a few times. I always come back to practical and functional. Cargo pants and safari pants and jeans. I can expand on these by expanding the colors. Usually jeans are blue or black. Usually cargo and safari pants are light tan or cacki-green. I can work with browns, burgundies, darker blues, richer greens. These make good bases along with the tans and blacks. Although I have to be careful about greens, most look awful on me.

My shirts tend to be so random... T-shirts long or short sleeved, sometimes button shirts if they are thicker. Why oh WHY are women's shirts practically fucking transparent?! I often resort to buying in the men's wear for sturdy clothes. But then I need to look less... boy. I do that with scarves. That is one of my personal trademarks. I wear scarves as belts all the time. I like vests too, but no one seems to have vests anymore. I like the brocade or rugged vests that look a bit dressy. Or even some of the more medieval bustiers. Maybe I will have to resort to getting patterns and making my own. Oh... *whimper* that would mean digging out the sewing machine and trying to learn how to use it. Mom suggested a newer machine that is less complicated. I almost want an antique Singer with the rocking pedal. Those were nice and simple. I used to sew decently with one. Ok... so I can concede making my own vests, or pleading my mom to make some for me *GRIN*

I don't do skirts often, and again mostly because I like the more rugged long ones that I don't see anywhere. I hate dresses. I can't really find any that look good with my body shape. so I think it is best to not add them to my style if I want to work with the body I have.

Same goes with heels. My various injuries and weakness of ankles makes me unstable in heels unless that are blocky and can fit my orthotics. Usually I wear dock-like shoes. I suppose I can make them part of my style and seek out some nice ones. I also like desert boots (those are like suede hi-cut rugged sneakers with treds). Shoe shopping is a personal nightmare since I have the orthotics and a foot a 1/2 size larger than the other. Shoes are just such an expensive accessory.

I like cute and patterned socks. No one really ever sees the socks, but they make me happy if I can find ones I like. Otherwise I am boring with my cotton black ones.

Overall, I tend to work best with fall colors or tans and creams with color accents. Most purples are vile on me so I stay away from them, same for yellows and most oranges. Something about orange hair and blue eyes and fair skin that makes many colors not work. Of light colors, I can do white. cream, light blue, sea-foam green, sometimes a blue-turquoise, peach, and even a particular shade of light bubble-gum pink. Ok, I generally detest pink, but that one I actually like.

As for my hair... I usually wear chopsticks or a large Celtic clip. With my hair short now, I often do pony-tails. Who cares if i am almost 40. I like pony-tails and they keep my hair out of my face and away from my ears and neck. Oh... I think the bits of military in me just crept to the surface.

So I guess I have a style if I think about it. I can work with this and clean up what I have and get clothing that is actually in this plan rather than trying to dress in styles that are not me. I can do classy as a style sometimes too, but rugged and adventurous is way more me. If it can survive me running through the woods, then it is perfect!

Just for Fun - Part 5

2012-01-08T00:06:00.003-05:00

Lit from Within - "Take Yourself Lingerie Shopping"

You have got to be kidding! The title alone instill nightmares and personal self-loathing and an absolute hatred that I almost did not read the chapter. But I did.

A woman may dress well because she is secure or because she is not. What is underneath tells the tale.

And what is that supposed to mean / imply? Personally, I think what can be said about the clothes you put on the outside is no different than those underneath. What matters is that you feel comfortable, comfortable with what you are wearing and with who you are.

I hate bra shopping. I equally hate lingerie shopping. Yes, I consider them different. Bras can be lingerie or they can be practical underthings. I am a sports bra kinda practical girl. With now something like 5 good/practical/semi-fancy bras that I almost NEVER wear, I ask that no one please think that I need to go bra shopping ever again, thanks.

Lingerie, on the other hand is the fancy fun things you wear to show off to someone special or to feel sexy and slinky to yourself.

If you feel beautiful to yourself, then you will be beautiful to your husband.

Yes, I have a few fun things. No, I will not share. So... if you have been dying to see some pic with me... use your imagination.

Toss the old, holey, torn, worn, stained, threadbare underthings and get new ones.

This means bras, undies, AND socks. This I can do. It is not lingerie/bra shopping. It is fresh and new and comfortable. Practical. I like soft cotton. I hate itchy lace. Sometimes silky is nice. bottom line, practical and comfortable equals confident. There is nothing more awkward than watching a well dressed woman fidget because her undies are riding or her bra lace itches her. There is nothing graceful about trying to fix those things. If you are comfortable then you do not have those intimate things as a personal distraction. If lace and g-strings are comfy to you, go for it. I would rather be comfy than sexy any day. sexy can wait for special occasions in private.

Well, I think that is enough of an expose... hope you find something useful from this chapter. Go have fun and buy fun new underthings.

Just for Fun - part 4

2012-01-01T19:43:00.002-05:00

Just for Fun is still a great part of Lit from Within. This next chapter is about "Establishing a Self-Care Fund" that has nothing to do with basic needs and everything to do with FUN!

As was mentioned, having fun is important for the soul too. My mother reminds us to stay real, but I remind you that in the hustle and bustle of staying real (doing with work thing and living thing)... remember to have some fun and do something that makes you happy or makes your soul sing!

The self-care fund is just that.

Do not underestimate the power of treating yourself to what you believe is important.

Feeling good about myself is important. Books are important. Seeing places (ROAD TRIP) is also important. I started with home. Feeling good about where I live inspires me to want to come home and love the home I have. So I am doing little redecorating projects. bathroom, bedroom, living room, office will all get small changes over the coming month. Feeling good about me started with a few new clothes that reflected my personality more. Clothes that were fresh and new and comfortable. I have new books arriving because they feel my soul.

The road trip thing is the only challenge. That requires more careful budgeting. Ideally, I would do a small road trip once a month. Budget is not that open. Maybe once every few months. The hard part is doing a road trip that is just for me, just for fun. All my "vacations" have been work-related.

I want to have a weekend away, a romantic kind, alone with the husband in February. A cabin somewhere with a fire place.

Budget for what you want to treat yourself to.
January's treat is a new computer. Monthly treat is books.
I will start budgeting for a road trip for my own personal sanity and need to "be somewhere else" for a little while.

Just for Fun - path 3

2012-01-01T14:25:00.002-05:00

This next chapter from Lit from Within is about "Selecting a Symbol".

Whatever symbol speaks to your soul, put representations of it around you. Let these remind you that you can take on qualities of these symbols you have selected.

I have pondered this at length. The first symbol that comes to mind is the Scarlet Cougar. This is a large North American cat that I have as my spirit animal. The Scarlet Cougar or Florida Panther (Puma concolor coryi) is a more reddish colored puma/cougar/mountain-lion. It is highly endangered. There are less than 70 left in the world, mostly in reserves and zoos with limited success with captive breeding. Their habitats are shrinking faster than the animal can be saved.

http://www.panthersociety.org/faq.html for more information.

The cougar spiritually is a leader, amicable, confident, and yet very independent. The Cougar is also a strong teacher. I would like to think that this represents me well.

Other animals that symbolically impact my life are: the wolf, the raven, the dear, the horse.

I also thought about pictorial symbols and written symbols. Among these are the triskele, the moon, the Asian symbols for HONOR & LOVE as well as SERENITY. The moon is important for my connection to lunar cycles and my concept of the divine associated with the Gnostic Goddess Sophia (Wisdom). The triskele is for my Celtic roots and represents the Celtic cosmology of land, sea, and sky with a sacred inner fire in the center. HONOR and LOVE are for my clergy vows to live with honor and love in all things for "Honor is the law & Love is the bond." Serenity... This is something (I hope to also have moments of in my life, to live with serenity in my heart.

What symbols do you select for your life?

Just for Fun part 2

2011-12-31T22:53:00.002-05:00

From Lit from Within come this next chapter. "Give Yourself a Name"

We deserve to be called what we want to be called. I am called Theresa, by my family. I hate the name Theresa. i tried to get people to call me Kim or Kimberly (my middle name) but it did not suit and never stuck. some folks call me Terri. That was ok. I thought it was quaint when that started. A British student who just moved to Montreal and joined my grade 10 class could not properly pronounce Theresa and started calling me Terri. It kinda suited my tomboy-me. But still wasn't really... me.

Off and on, childhood friends called me Scarlet after the red-haired GI Joe cartoon character. being the only girl on a street full of boys, the make believe meant I played Princess Leia or Scarlet.

I really kinda liked Scarlet from GI Joe. She was confident, skilled, really intelligent. she was respected by her peers. She was the kind of person screaming inside me to come out. But I could not convince any teacher or family member to call me Scarlet. It was not the name on my birth certificate and so one could not just make up a name and be called it and respected for a fake name. It didn't matter that my heart screamed that it was ME!!!

Then I learned a secret.

When I was born, it was with this scarlet red shock of hair (mohawk-like). My mother didn't know what to call me yet. the first name spoken to me was Scarlet, by my god-mother (who to this day still calls me that). My mother rejected the name because at the time my last name was O'Hara and she did not want me to be teased as Scarlet O'Hara (like the character from 'Gone with the Wind' classing literature). "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." My aunt named me a name that is just not me.

My mother remarried after I was born. When I was 7 years old, my step-father asked me a very mature question. he asked if I would do him the honor of taking on his name as his daughter. I gave him a mature answer. YES! He had always been the only father in my life and really... I could not have asked for one better. He is deeply loving, ever patient, and eternally giving of himself. My mom married well. I love him so very much. so yes, I took on his last name, Jory. But Scarlet still called to me.

I took on Scarlet as part of my spiritual name. Friends and later teachers came to know me as Scarlet and many growing circles in my adult worlds. This is my name. Willful, courageous, fiercely loyal, confident. This is my name. Scarlet... with on T... like the vibrant color. Live life vibrantly. I have been applying this name to all that I do and now have it legally added to my name as a second middle name. My family still call me Theresa, but to the rest of the world, I am called by the name I have taken on, the one I gave myself, the first name whispered into my soul. For that, I thank my god-mother.

This name has helped shape who I am... or does it simply reflect who I have always been?

Just For Fun part 1

2011-12-31T10:48:00.000-05:00

Still reading Lit from Within but have slowed now that I am healed enough to start doing things and not sitting like a couch potato.

Let us look at this new section called Just For Fun!

Having fun is integral to your well being. If everything is sad, serious, hard, and only work work work, then we lose sight of ourselves and our spirit. We get dragged down and deteriorate. Sometimes you just need to cut loose, laugh, and enjoy yourself. It lifts the spirit and inspires positivity and creativity. It recharges the batteries of motivation.

We all need a little fun in our lives.

The first topic of this section is all bout "Dressing Like Yourself." Once again it asks that you look at your wardrobe and purge it of those things you cling to for no reason, those things that don't/won't fit you, those things so warn that they are not even fit to be rags, those things that are not really YOU. Cull the clothes. Also, think about what the clothes say of you and how they make you feel. Which ones resonate and being YOU? Don't dress to stylishly like so-and-so. Dress to look like you in all your own beautiful glory.

That was the task this week in chunks. I purged the clothes with these things in mind. I haven't gotten to the summer clothing as it is all in storage at the moment. I am donating the clothes to others and hope they really find great uses for them.

I found this chapter both intriguing and frustrating. It made me think more about the clothing that I wear. What do they mean to me? What do they say about me? How do they make me feel? The answers were: rugged, practical, boyish, ready to be hit my a falling tree and walk away alive. The chapter frustrated me because it implies that you know who you are in order to dress like YOU. Most people don't know who they are. It is the hardest thing to pin down. It is so easy to describe who you aren't and so difficult to describe who you are.

I am not fancy, girly, dressy, corporate, slinky/sexy. I don't like heels. I hate bras. I don't much wear skirts and certainly not short ones. I work in an environment where I am constantly getting dirty, covered in oils and powders and herbs and stuff. I prefer to be comfy rather than fancy any day! If I could dress like an Victorian through early 20th century archaeologist, that is probably close to who I am. I am rugged and practical. Though I like to be just on the edge of classy. I like solid shoes with treads (like docs, but unfortunately I have not found docs that fit me). I like cargo pants and thick shirts. I like sports bras and nothing lacy. Lace itches you know! I love classy vests with brocade, almost Victorian (not that anyone makes vests anymore for women). My clothes need to be practical and durably. The tomboy in me likes men's wear way more than girl's clothes, but I am still a girl and on occasion want the whole world to notice that!!

Is this who I am?

Body & Soul

2011-12-28T17:03:00.001-05:00

So this is part 3 of the Lit from Within meditations and readings.
My home on forced vacation (read healing/recovery leave) has allowed me to get lots of reading done.
We move from "Attitude" to "Action" to the needs of "Body & Soul".

Discipline is where beauty and soulfulness meet.
Temperance
Gratitude
Have a routine you can count on
Daily moments of quiet
Regular exercise
Washing face & brushing hair & brushing teeth
Orderly environment
Honoring commitments
Speak kindly or not at all
Learn something
Serve (wisely so you have the resources to serve again tomorrow)

All of these lend to the self-discipline you can create for yourself. Mark Twain suggests we also do something every day that we do not want to do in order to develop the habit of doing our duty painlessly.

Today I finished my usual morning routine and then ran errands outside before doing anything else. The winter storm necessitated getting stuff done before it hit. I have enjoyed a long moment of quiet reading this book and preparing this entry. Exercise is out till I am fully healed, but I did clean the kitchen in preparation for baking later. I have a new commitment for tomorrow (go to clinic) that will be honored regardless of the weather. Speaking kindly is sometimes hard. I try to speak kindly of others, but I seem to regularly fail at speaking kindly about myself.

Never stop learning. I never do. I am researching Celtic tree meanings and months and sacred moons. What are you learning?

Do yoga. Do yoga for to strengthen your breathing, your posture, your flexibility. Breathe! Stand and sit tall! Be flexible and adaptable!

I am not personally interested in yoga classes myself. But maybe I will explore some over at Happy Tree Yoga at Atwater. I have always liked the people there, their beautiful environment, etc. Exploring their website, I think I can do the Gentle Yoga series on Mondays & Wednesdays. Ok, the more i think about this, the more I think I want to do this after all. Curves can be the other days (Tuesdays & Thursdays and maybe Fridays). And I am back to self-discipline.

Speaking of which, the 2012 calendrical year is about to begin. Time to work on my chakra series again too. I do this every year before the next Chinese New Year. 3 days to a week per chakra. Tomorrow will begin root chakra. I will work on each chakra for 5 days at a time. This works well for my current situation. Root chakra is about basic physical needs. This weekend will be all about the basic physical need to heal and strengthen my foundations.

Purify the body. This can mean physical as well as spiritual. Fasting is one method, but does not mean dieting or starving. Ingesting purifiers is another, like white tea for its anti-oxidants and detoxifiers. Spiritual purification can be sacred baths, sage smudging, or aura cleansing.

White Tea is is! *GRIN* I love white tea. Green tea is also very good. I will alternate according to my flavor whims. Two Dove Silver Needle white tea is exceptionally potent and tasty (and expensive but so worth it). I have jasmine white tea too from my favorite Chinese Tea House. After that comes the fancy greens (jasmine dragon tears & peach-jasmine pearls & blooming teas). Usually I purify with a week of drinking pink lemonade. That will be next week (Wednesday when I can go to a grocery store again). Aura cleansing will be done with coven when next we meet.

Help the body function. Adopt proper sitting and standing posture. This not only helps with your sense of confidence, but with simple digestion. BREATHE! Take time to truly fill your lungs and just breathe. Get a massage to relax the muscles of their built up tension. See your healers regularly. Allow that cloak of confidence not just wrap you but become you and you it. Drink lots of water to help replenish your body.

I suppose that one I am healed, I should call Laurence for that massage that has been on my To Do list for over a month. And see Val and Matt more often than I do. I am adept at neglecting my body. 2012's goal: to not neglect my body.

Speak with your true voice. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Know before speaking so your words come out with the resonance of conviction, knowledge, and wisdom.

And I am reminded of my Three-Fold Promise, an oath I took before the gods:
Be True to your Word.
Be True to your Path.
Be True to Yourself.

Avoid the "uglies" which include things like smoking, drinking, drugs, and anything else taken or done in excess. These are destructive to the body, mind, and soul. Also, among these is "hard living" that most people in today's society engage in without ever realizing till they burn out. Moderation in all things. Take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Slow and steady wins the race. Do not be hard on yourself. Love yourself. Care for yourself. Enjoy yourself.

Post Yule 2011-2

2011-12-24T11:29:00.001-05:00

So I wrapped presents for everyone and watched a movie last night.
And... I woke with a cold... *sigh*

Back to the book: Lit from Within: Part 2 - Action

Adopt one better habit & look good enough.

I mentioned these earlier in the attitude section as they both work on changing your attitude, but they actually belong in the Action Section.

Surround yourself with those who see your light.

This actually is from the Attitude Section but I missed it. So I put it here with actions. As we get rid of those things that do not "fit", this includes people who are toxic to us or people who inspire negative feelings within us. The hard part comes when you have someone in your life who falls into both categories. I have a few like that in my life. I am distancing myself somewhat from them till things change a bit so they I am no longer an emotional wreck after seeing them despite how wonderful they can sometimes make me feel.

Along the lines of looking good enough is grooming yourself.

We always get insulted when someone tells us to groom ourselves like we never shower or brush our teeth or something. but that is not what this statement means. It means taking exceptional care of ourselves, of our body. It does not mean costly appointments to hair dressers and nail painters and make-up artists. It means allowing yourself the time (unrushed) to care for your basic grooming needs. It means not neglecting your body, your temple and tool. Keep it clean. Scent it as you see fit. Trim it as needed. Do not allow dead ends to linger or clutter. Sometimes it means pampering yourself a little to help with the grooming. So yes, occasionally get your hair done, or have a manicure/pedicure, or see a make-up artists to know how best to decorate your face. Try to be beautiful naturally without covering yourself up. KISS (keep it simple).

Move your body.

The body is meant to be in motion. This gets the blood moving, helps circulate fluids, keeps the joints limber, and stimulates more energy. This isn't about exercising to lose weight for some goal you have in your head. It is about exercising to be fit however your current body will choose to comfortably define it.

What am I going to do? Get back to Curves. It is hard to get to, but maybe I can get a friend in with me and we can motivate each other. I also have wii Fit at home I can get back to. Our living room got rearranged, so I am not sure this will be feasible, but I can try... when no one else is in the house. At some point, I want to go back to martial arts classes. I would love to see my hubby in martial arts classes with my friend's hubby.

Ritual pampering... weekly.

For some this means a weekly ritual bath. I personally hate baths. but the bottom line of this is that once a week you devote time to just YOU. Give yourself permission to spoil your body regularly. For me, this is taking a day off work (used to be Mondays, but is now Tuesdays) to sleep in as long as I want, take a LONG HOT shower, self-massage my feet, meditate, read, and do the things my body wishes to do or not do. Sometimes we only have an hour to devote to ourselves. I am lucky that I can devote a day to me.

Get your beauty sleep.

The body needs sleep to replenish itself. So does the mind and spirit. Dream time (REM) is necessary for the brain to sort things out and file things away. If you have trouble sleeping (like I do), then here are some suggestions.

Do something to totally change the head-space from the day/week.
Eat something small but heavy to ground yourself and keep the stomach busy so you are not woken in the middle of the night for a snack. (cheese and crackers are good or nibble a bit of turkey this time of year)
Drink some warm milk with vanilla and honey. Or fortified soy milk instead of regular milk. (this is because honey is heavy proteins, vanilla is grounding comfort, and the warm milk contains triprophens that help trigger sleep enzymes in the body)

Bring your body to silence. Meditate. Enjoy some quiet time for yourself.

Daily quiet calms the mind and body and spirit. Meditate on a daily basis for a few minutes. Just sit or silently have a cup of tea undisturbed. I like to plan my day in this moment. I take slow breaths, sip my tea, and write my To Do list.

What am I doing right now? Drinking tea (peach infused jasmine dragon pearls).

Post Yule 2011

2011-12-23T10:33:00.000-05:00

We have moved past Yule and now have snow!
I had a little surgery to remove something tiny that was lots of no fun. And yes, I am fine.
Gifties have been great! Thank you all!
Sadly my iolite ring broke... thought thankfully not my finger.

Every now and they I try to commit myself to a book that is inspirational, something i work through and learn from. Something I share with you. Most of the time, I fail to actually get through it. I am apparently terrible at doing things for myself or taking time for me.

So, here I try again. Lit from Within Part 1 - Attitude

The world will believe exactly what you tell it about yourself - through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself.

I work hard. I serve the community spiritually. I love what I do even if it is exhausting.
That is the easy part. The hard part is how I perceive myself. Negative self-talk is hard to banish.
I am beautiful in my own way. Ok... maybe just cute for now till the little pony-tails are long enough to actually do something with. *grin*

Affirmation: I AM BEAUTIFUL!

Let go of what does not "fit"...

This means clothes and ideas and attitudes, also socially and emotionally. I will purge the clothes later today. Maybe I will give myself a Yule gift and get some new clothes that fit and are comfortable.

Eat healthfully.

At holiday time?! Uhm... afterwards, sure with a select few indulgences. I don't really eat much crap anyways. However, I have not eating routine. today i tried to start with actual breakfast. Had a bagel and cream cheese and some juice. Maybe the book is right. I feel really good for having a breakfast before tackling the day. I have energy! Despite the bad sleep, where did that energy come from? Maybe from breakfast? I will have to repeat this for a week to see.

Adopt ONE better habit.

I think I just did! I will adopt eating a good healthy breakfast every morning. It can be added to the morning routine of personal grooming, preparing my day and checking email (where I can eat breakfast too), and doing a standing exercise to strengthen muscles in my feet and ankles and arches.

Look good enough.

This does not mean fighting to "look your best" every day. It means looking good enough to be comfortable with yourself. The cloaks and masks we wear often enough become part of who we are. If you dress like a bum... then what message are you training into yourself? If we are made up of so much water, and it is so receptive...

Has it been that long?

2011-12-06T23:12:00.003-05:00

Nano is over. Yes, I wrote about 50K words... just not in my nano novel.

Work is busy as we are still in a learning process and catching up on things a bit at a time. Yule Fair happened. We survived. It was quiet due to lack of super big name draws and lack of timely advertizing. These issues will be corrected for next year.

Did 5 days of 12+ hour work. Then crashed for 2 days. Don't know why I thought I might be able to work 2 more after that.

Now that I have slept, I am in much better shape to tackle the world. Making small and large changes in my life that I hope to see come to fruition in the next few months.

Tomorrow's plan: finish laundry, stop at Reno Depot for birch dowels, work (write up new gift certificate instructions), prep CMS-L2 plant lore class, meet a student for an article interview, meet a rep from Concordia for a fundraiser to gain more visibility for the store, teach said CMS-L2 class.

I hope to be teaching a class this week on Celtic Moon Lore, though not concerned if my class is cancelled.

I'm busy collecting stuff now for Yule presents for people. And have been busily making gifts too. Just need to find a bunch of... eyes... to finish my project. Sorry, no further explanation is possible.

I am trying to take things in stride one step at a time. I do not want to burn out. I am watching the process happen is a good friend and the result are terribly and worrisome.

testing something

2011-11-17T14:49:00.001-05:00

The Pyramid

2011-11-14T22:46:00.002-05:00

To Know...
... To Dare... ...
... ... To Will... ... ...
... ... ... To Be Silent ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... Then to Teach ... ... ... ... ...

I am reminded to "go back to basics" and to "go back to nature" (the nature around me and my own true nature).

"If that which you seek you do not find within thee,
Then you will never find it without thee"

And so I do and so I have and so I am.

Day 4 of NaNoWriMo

2011-11-04T22:34:00.003-04:00

Wednesday & Thursday were total writing failures with no sleep and long long work days. Today I got to 4110 words and need to still catch up with another 2560 words to go. Not sure if I can manage that tonight.

Got my first "pep talk" in nanowrimo and enjoyed it much. Here is something that made me smile.

Never delete anything. If you can’t stand to look at it, change the font to white and keep going.

I haven't hit anything like that in what I have written so far... but I will hang onto that bit of advise.

Day 1 of Nano

2011-11-01T20:34:00.002-04:00

I had the day off work today. I spent it in my jammies. I put a word counter on my website, created a playlist, and wrote 2859 words!

Now having dinner and some social time. More writing tomorrow, then work, then teaching, then more writing.

Excited!!

2011-10-30T10:27:00.003-04:00

So I have spent my week preparing for NaNoWriMo and revamping my homepage for my website. The revamping necessitated creating two other pages. Main page is done. Contact page is done. Now working on the Writing Page. I want this up by November 1st.

To all of you out there dressing up, HAPPY HALLOWEEN & SAMHAIN!!

I am not really dressing up. I will go to work dressed somewhat medievalish with a witchy hat on. Then I am hosting a Dumb Supper.

Hm... speaking of writing... I should poke into my fanfics and see about writing chapters for them.

Editing Life

2011-10-24T22:05:00.002-04:00

Sometimes life throw back at you and you need to re-evaluate what the hell you are doing. Sometimes you simply continue on but with greater resolve or with a slightly modifies view. Sometimes you take a whole new route. You cut, rework, rewrite the lines of your life plan.

And then I do something like add NaNoWriMo to my plate because I had a sci-fi dream that was too clear to not write down. In my head I have about 1/2 the story. Maybe during November I will get the other 1/2. It will be the first story I write in completion that is not a bloody epic. Also, it will be the first non-fanfiction novel I write. Clarity required, editing forbidden. I know myself. If I start editing, I will never get past the first few pages. Thank you to the authors out there that said to just get the damn thing written and edit later. It only to0ok me something like 15 years to actually adhere to the advise.

I am excited and nervous. My first NaNoWriMo.

In other news, I am behind in my taxes. But I suppose that is not really news. Crunching those numbers is daunting. Work is going relatively well. We have some pretty stuff arriving at the store as we rebuild usual stock and bring back a few things we have not had in a while. The store has gotten some amazing feedback about the Blog posts, so much so that a magazine asked to use one of the entries in their magazine! Unfortunately the post has copyrighted material that they need to gain permission from other publishers to print. Still amazing! The facebook gets great commentary too as people tell us they love reading the tidbits and the news and seeing the photos.

On the home front, Cloak is still ill. I am still cleaning feline diarrhea in many places at home. I got some tidying done but not remotely enough. I still need several days to a whole week to get my personal affairs into order. Maybe I will try to do that in November. The home is peaceful. It's a wonderful place to retreat to after a hard day.

Teaching is going great too. the classes are all on schedule and par. The students seem to be enjoying what they learn. I have accomplished several projects, like the editing of the second and third level 1 workbooks. I'm starting on the website. The school now has a TV and dvd player for films. I'm also teaching at the colleges and university again as a guest lecturer.

This week's plan:

Teach at Marianopolis Tuesday morning
Gym after teaching
Get dvd from Purolator Wednesday morning
Prep work schedule and workshop schedule
Database calendars and agendas
Prep workshop newsletter
Teach CMS - L2
Doctor appointment Thursday
Gym after Doctor's
Do anything work relatedstuff on Friday that I missed not being there for Thursday
plan a Dumb Supper for Monday night
Enjoy the weekend!

I like that last one. Makes all the previous stuff worth while.

Is this real?

2011-10-11T15:42:00.002-04:00

If this is real then I will get a NAP!

This is sorta my first day off this season, certainly the first since I got back from Detroit.

In Detroit, we went to a wedding. The other reason for Detroit was to check out a store in Northville. Are they competition? In a way yes, in a way no. They are almost as large as we are. They have TONS of stock and very nice displays. They have lots of statuary that we cannot get because the company does not ship to Canada. They have more stones that I can possibly think to carry in our store at prices that are insanely cheap! I had wondered why they could sell high end stones for practically nothing. Malachite, lapis lazuli, iolite, kyanite... all for a $1.00 or less!! The answer is in Canada's legislation. Canada does not permit the importation or sale of minerals or stones that have been mined under less than equitable standards. That means ours are more expensive, but mined ethically and with environmental awareness. I suppose slave labour allows for saving money, but I cannot justify it and am glad that my country does not either.

The store changed over some staff. That required filling in sometimes and training other times. Finally, we are all set. And so I sorta took time off. I really need to take like a week... but I am working to that. Today I went into the store in the morning only to work out web orders. It is all set now too! YAY!! and we have a system now in place... but it requires very early mornings. I left at noon, grabbed some lunch and ate it at the bus. My goal was to get some food for stir fry tonight and go to the gym and clean the house. Waiting for the bus took almost an hour, plus another 30min on the bus to the gym. UGH! Got groceries for stir fry at the store near the gym, but they were out of the cleaning supplies I needed. Who is out of paper towels... like really!? The gym experience at least went very well. Long wait to get home by bus due to construction and detours. It is almost 4pm and I am only just home. Cleaning? Ugh... I think if this day off is real, I will at least get a nap.

NAP..... oh... I want a nap!

The hubby should be bringing home some supplies for the cleaning. So I can finish laundry, dishes, cleaning the bathroom and hallway, changing cat litter and making supper once he gets home.

On tonight's schedule for him is to wipe the ceiling fans, remove the a/c, water the raspberry bush... and I think it is his turn to clean litter.

On the up note... we got an ipad-2. It has its ups and downs. It can play the things we want to play on it. It allows me to have a kindle reader. The limitation is that most things have to be purchased through i-whatever or you have to use another computer to get it. It does not support purchasing anything for the Kindle. I have to buy books through another computer and make sure they are in my kindle system then synch the ipad to kindle to get them. There are other similarities.

Anyways... planning on that nap...

October Projects

2011-10-01T08:55:00.003-04:00

This October, I want to:

fix the store door
restock
celebrate with an author
update the website
photograph stock
clean the house thoroughly
get a TV & DVD player for CMS
remember to have some fun
roleplay with Roo
write fanfic (AC, HP, Tsubasa)
have a harvest/preserving day
rip up the garden in prep for winter
be prosperous in all fields

Maybe those are too ambitious? too many? Whatever... need goals, right?

I should add to the list that I want to finish reading my Brent Weeks books. Sooooo damn good!

Detroit Day 2

2011-09-24T10:46:00.003-04:00

So yesterday, we roamed the mall for a while. I bought a steampunk-esque watch. It came in an awesome little antique-looking box that I am using as my mini travel altar storage box. I also visited a shop called Teavana and blew most of my free cash there. I have lots of yummy tea and German raw sugar. I wanted to get more as they have teas I don't get from my own home supplier. They also have some great blend ideas I never thought of. I wanted to get a pretty tea cup, a beautiful teapot, and one of their tea tumblers (a scarlet-proof metal one). It was fun to roam shops I never saw before. The mall is as big (and X shaped) as Angrignon mall, but it has 2 floors.

We lunched in their super tiny food court. Sad little food court with like less than 10 food options. So weird. I have desided that American food is full of more fats and stuff because everything is heavier to eat. I have no idea how Americans eat as much as they do.

We drove out after to Plymouth to explore the little village shops there. One had such neat little Halloween stuffs that I took their card. I bought Putka Pods! So cute! They look like little mini mini pumpkins, but they are hard dry seed pods of some sort. Great for Samhain!

The evening was the rehearsal dinner where we sat with Steve & Julie, Jason & Melanie, and the bride's maids and their husbands. It was a great evening, if late. The drive back to the hotel was a challenge in the dark.

Sleep was a bit better this time. And the morning was pleasantly late and tranquil. Had a yummy donut for breakfast with some of the great tea I bought while the Hubby was out with friends for breakfast. I chose to relax in the room instead.

Now off to explore another little village. Plymouth village was like Point-Claire village. This one (Northville) should be similar. Wish I had more money though... sigh...

Detroit Day 1

2011-09-23T10:13:00.001-04:00

So... no daylight saving's time here... so we are off by an hour. Their 7am is our 6am... no wonder I am so tired!

We had a very smooth drive, despite construction and traffic and crossing the border, that took only about 10 hours. We made only a few brief stops. We got lost once in Ontario when you took an exit to find a bathroom and drove back to get onto the highway. The entry to the highway was closed with pilons. There was no warning and no signs and no detour directions. We went to turn onto the on ramp to find it blocked! ARGH! Took a scenic drive through butt-f*** nowhere to get back onto the highway.

We are in the hotel which is quite nice and across a parking lot to a shopping mall. Mark got measured for his wedding tux while I grabbed a post drive shower. I met his friends Jason and Melanie. Military and Pagan respectively. They were a joy! I had fun at dinner with them. We went to a place called the Tin Fish. I got full on the appetizer of giant quesadillas. I could hardly eat through the scallops and pesto. It was very good.

Had to put the heat on in the room to get the room to a comfortable temperature. We now have chilly rain. Meditated as I always do with a mini altar in the hotel room then did a set of physio. The bed is so fluffy and comfy! And all I could think about as a sunk into the feather duvet and pillows was my roleplay character Kiba. (Roo will understand... it is ok if the rest of you do not)

Mark needs to do a FB American Hunter post! We had this ginger soda that was amazing! Must bring some home with us. And yes... will bring back lime soda for JWW and mountaindew for Courtney. And Mom wants colored pencils (if I can find them).

Today, Mark went to breakfast with Jason and Melanie. I stayed blessedly in bed! We are quietly sorting the morning now. I made a peanut butter and honey sandwich for my breakfast since i am a smart girl and brought fooding in case... just in case. I am also having yummy Take Charge Tea of mint, stevia & nettle. And of course I am here on FB. I will double post this note to my blog when I am done... because FB is DUMB! It no longer allows blogs to autopost to FB. Grrr...

Today's plan: Go to Mall to get Mark's tux jacket, lunch, reassure the spouses-to-be (Steve & Julie) that rain will not happen on their actual ceremony, shop, maybe do something touristy-vacationy, then rehearsal dinner. I think I am part of the girl's night out thing after... but I don't know what energy I will have.

I promise to keep everyone posted as the weekend goes. It is peaceful at the moment and this is lovely.

Trying

2011-09-15T20:49:00.003-04:00

Being as diligent as I can. I lost my Tuesday plans due to work. So I never made baked fruit crumble and never got out to pick up art supplies for class. Wednesday fared as poorly for errands and as busy for work.

WEDNESDAY
FOOD:
- a raspberry waffle
- sushi
- juice
- pasta with cheeze whiz, ketchup, and bacon bits

Exercise:
- 2hrs walking
- 10 hrs standing

Today we were short staffed due to everyone having illnesses. They can keep their plagues at home, thanks. Better than infecting everyone. It made for a very hard long day. both bosses working the floor with the new trainee.

FOOD:
- a waffle
- 3/4 mushroom swiss burger from McD's
- strawberry banana smoothy
- juice
- pasta with cheeze whiz, ketchup, and bacon bits

Exercise:
- 8hrs standing
- 15min physio stretches

catching up

2011-09-14T01:07:00.002-04:00

Sunday:
FOOD:
- 3 slices of pizza
- 1 can of iced tea
- 5 chicken nuggets

Exercise:
- not much...sadly...

I was sick most of the day, but worked 10am through 6pm helping at work as the new store website manifested to the world. It was very exciting. However, not being well meant it drained me severely.

Monday:
FOOD:
- 2 slices of left over pizza
- can of buzz green tea energy drink
- bacon/onion bun from China Town
- some nibbly treats and dragon beard candy
- 1/3 of my lichee bubble tea with whatever they used for milk (turned me inside out for 2 days)

Exercise:
- 15min of physio stretches

The air pressures of the slowly building storms making everything hard to focus on. I did a trip to Chinatown with my business partner. That was fun if a bit rushed. Later I pulled off a great ritual blending my Wiccan tradition with Chinese Mid-Autumn Moon festival traditions. I crashed the second I got home.

Today... uh... yesterday? (Tuesday)
FOOD:
- pear juice
- a handful of BBQ crispers
- scrambled eggs, 5 slices of bacon, 2 slices of mozzarella, 2 pilsbury croissants

Exercise:
- 20min walking

I was still really ill from the bubble tea. It made for poor sleep. I had intended to sleep in today (ideally till 1pm and hopefully sleep off the nausea), but I was woken every 20min by the phone since 9am. I scrambled to do my research for class and run around with printing and stuff then work the floor for a few hours while trying not to puke my brains out. So glad to have gotten home to take it easy.

I hope tomorrow goes more smoothly. The bubble tea is finally gone from my body and I feel much better. The storm finally also happened relieving the pressures that have wreaked havoc on my head and joints. I think I will take some advil for the lingering aching and try to sleep.

Sleep will come after I clean up yet more cat diarrhea... i need a few days off to reclean the house. That isn't likely to happen though...

4 of 7

2011-09-11T08:59:00.002-04:00

I can hardly remember Saturday. I was so tired, drained of energy and starting the monthly routine of cramping into unconsciousness.

I did get some things done. Made waffles. Purged and cleaned another little section of the kitchen.

I also napped lots and read lots.

FOOD:
- 2 raspberry waffles
- 1/2 can energy drink
- 2 glasses of Pear juice
- 1/2 a steak sub (left over from the other day)
- cup of premium jasmine tea

EXERCISE
- none

3 of 7

2011-09-10T11:12:00.002-04:00

Yesterday...

Mishaps had to be sorted early in the morning. I managed to taxi to physio. I was in there much longer than I expected ans had to rush to grab fooding and taxi to the vet. Yes, brought the kitten with me to physio as the vet was near-ish. The morning mishaps apparently were resolved by the time I got out of the vet. Nala (our new kitten) got her first set of shots. Spoke to the vet about Cloak's condition. she gave me a new food to try him on and fluids I can inject as he is dehydrating from his still present and messy diarrhea. I took a taxi home where I cleaned up the kitchen and inhaled a piece of cheesy bread. Then I crashed... totally crashed out for an hour and a half. Woke still drained from physio and running around, but managed to still meet up with a friend for dinner. Got home very late.

FOOD:
- two pieces of cheesy bread
- 1/2 can of buzz green tea energy drink
- 1/2 glass water
- 1/4 plate of chinese food

EXERCISE
- 15 minutes of physio stretches
- 1 hour of physio

Today I am exhausted and am SORE all over. Time for a long... extra long... hot shower to soak the soreness from my muscles. Then I will make waffles!!

2 of 7

2011-09-08T21:16:00.003-04:00

Still sore next day of an extra long day of work. Physio tomorrow will be so much fun! (hear my sarcasm) Drama in over venues of life continues, meditating before facing it. My second cousin is also in the hospital. I have healing work for her on my astral altar. She has a severe car accident and is in critical.

Today saw many interviewees for store work. Decisi0ons yet to be made. There are a couple other people I want to see first, but who have not gotten back to me.

Today's Food/Exercise Journal:
FOOD:
- egg, cheese, sausage, tortilla wrap
- boston cream donut
- 1/2 a mint cookie
- 1/4 can of iced tea
- 1/2 a steak sub
- 1/2 a bottle stewart's cream soda
- bowl of cream of wheat

EXERCISE
- 20 min walking

CMS Level 2

2011-09-08T07:33:00.003-04:00

I started teaching. I have an amazing dynamic group that I adore already.

After a REALLY long work day, though, teaching on my feet for the class ended up being a bit agonizing by the time I got home. On top of it... had to clean up cat messes from sick cat.

Their homework: list 10 things that stress them, list 10 things that relax them, keep a food/exercise journal for a month, get and start reading a young adult fiction novel, read the handouts on stress.

What stresses me?
- bills
- unclean places in my home
- unprofessional people
- university expectations
- technology that proves uncooperative
- being ignored when i ask for something to get done (especially if it is the 12th time)
- not being able to find something i need that i KNOW is here
- clothes shopping
- shoe shopping
- the growing "to do" pile in certain aspects of my life

What relaxes me?
- reading a good book
- writing fanfiction
- tea (especially red lichee)
- purring cats
- roleplaying with Roo
- breathing meditation
- soothing music
- apple juice
- hug from the hubby
- a made bed to flop on

Yesterday's food/exercise journal:
FOOD
- egg and cheese croissant
- squeaky cheese
- 2 mint cookies
- cannelloni
- gaterade & iced tea

EXERCISE
- 20min walking
- 6hrs standing for work

This took me about 2o minutes. I thought I would do some of the homework with my srudents so we all have things to contribute to class discussion and so I can use my life as examples in the class. I hope they enjoyed the class.

I will head to work now and read more of my book on the bus.

Huricane Hell?

2011-08-29T10:45:00.003-04:00

Irene blew through and Montreal got the edge of it. We never lost power in my home, but the friends whose place we were supposed to go to dinner at lost power for hours. We had to postpone. And the storms made for crazy cats ALL NIGHT! I got no sleep.

Hell continues with my baby snake still not eating and i am apparently lousy at force feeding snakes. Going to try again today with pureed pinkie. so gross.

To add to my day of gross, I have two cats not so well. Bagheera is losing weight but he is eating fine. he is also 13 years old and being old. Cloak, who is 12, has dropped half his weight this month. He refuses to eat anything but wet food or human food off the counters. He's been vomiting and has bad diarrhea. Staying home from work just to clean the mess. And calling the vet for quotes on tests.

I feel like a bad mom.

Off to run errands now to try to resolve or help the situations here with the pets and to be ready for other things this week. And will try to do some work from home so the day is not a total loss.

Birthday Update

2011-08-07T18:18:00.002-04:00

So... I was away for my birthday. I was camping at the Festival where I took the store to vend. I did get some great things for my birthday before i left and during my time away.

I got a card from my Nanny (grandmother).

I got a box of nice shirts from mom and a card with $100. Although that went to taxi rides and physio. Not much of birthday money.

At KG (the festival), many people emailed me, facebooked me, and texts me their happy birthday wishes. It was lovely. some people at the festival remembered it was my birthday too and hugged me lots for my birthday. Rick got me yummy ciders that are only available in Ontario. MMMMmmm! JWW got me a camp chair that I badly needed since mine broke. And I got myself a drum!

As for my birthday wishlist... the Honda Ruckus is yet again not going to happen. Looks like I will buy myself the shelf next week. And the week after will buy my Teahouse Comics. The Kindle is still up in the air. and i still have red Lychee tea left so I can wait for that till later in the month or next month.

Did I have a great birthday? *shrug* I had a birthday. I am very happy with what I got. The hugs and wishes were wonderful and reassuring as I was feeling lonely.

Maybe next birthday I can have a child? That is on my new wish list.

Birthday Wishlist

2011-07-21T07:16:00.002-04:00

Because I don't want to misplace my wishlist... because when I get back from the camping festival I will get myself a birthday gift.

teahouse stuff (special editions)
kindle 3G, wifi, 6", with a leather case in blue (with light)
honda ruckus scooter (out of my budget... but I could dream)
more red lichee tea (I am almost out and certainly will be by the end of KG)
black-brown benno cd shelf from ikea

New Kitten

2011-07-16T21:14:00.002-04:00

Some of you have heard of the new addition to our family. Nala. she is a little over 3 months old inching toward 4 months. She is so sweet and cuddly, learns fast and has been totally adopted by the husband. So much so that she curled up on him on the sofa and he just HAD to take a picture of her cuteness!!

Cats Purring

2011-07-15T11:26:00.003-04:00

The night was totally lousy for sleep. Don't know why, but I woke like every hour. In the morning after the hubby left and the cats came in, they cuddled and purred with me. I had a great morning sleep! There is some magic about purring cats inducing sleep, I am sure.

Though, my day now started very late and all my morning stuff is shot to hell.

I'll grab a shower, clean litter, start laundry, then I am off to physio. I'll buy nails on the way home and brushes for varnishing. Then I am off to Curves with sneakers (since i lost my good runners on the bus and am not prepared to look for new ones till the weekend).

Any of my daytime stuff will have to happen in the evening.
- Cutting and varnishing 1/4 rounds
- sanding the hallway doors
- nailing in the 1/4 rounds
- mopping the floors
- cleaning and feeding the various animals in my menagerie

Tomorrow we will varnish the hall doors & peel off the plastic glass protectors. The hall then only needs art! I will have to go through art and find something to put up. Then we tackle the kitchen through the weekend.

Oh... meditations... I will do one when I get home today. Cuddling with purring cats through the whole morning counts as meditating, doesn't it?

Meditation #4

2011-07-13T10:56:00.003-04:00

Let me first start by saying i was thinking about my anniversary. We were legally wed in 2003 (October 3rd), but our actual ceremony was July 10th, 2008. July 10th is the day we started going out, 1999. So, when I look up anniversary gifts, what year do I look at? 12? 8? or 3? 12 is linen or silk, 8 is bronze or pottery, and 3 is leather. Maybe for the fun I will just do all three!! Except... bronze is hard to find. Pottery it is. I need to make a trip out on Friday or Saturday (late anniversary gift shopping) just because it will make me happy to do.

Happiness is the way after all!

I started my day lazy and late. Breakfast is two smoothies (because i made enough for two glasses). Here is the recipe: strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, watermelon, cantaloupe, honey-dew melon, low fat cherry frozen yogurt.

I did some fanfic writing and hope to finish the chapter sometime tonight. I get a great deal of satisfaction and joy knowing people are reading and loving what I write. Even though it makes me zero money. One day, I will write an original story maybe. I have lots of ideas, just not really enough serious time to devote to it.

Today's meditation readings were harder to digest. the truths frustrating and the challenges... challenging.

Surround yourself with people who see your light, who see you as beautiful and perfect, see you at your best, even when you aren't. These are the people who lift your spirit and enjoy the truth of who you are, they affirm that with you.

The complication comes when the people you need to be like this, the key players in your life (close family, spouse, and friends) are detractors or are ambivalent.

I know I shine and want to do even more for the praise or the wow or the smile... when I get them. If I never get them, it is all the more difficult to keep making the effort. Why bother? Who cares? What is the point of trying to be amazing or trying to look beautiful if no one gives a shit?

Because YOU care. YOU give a shit. Do it for yourself. Do it despite what others say/do. Do it in spite of them. Surround yourself with positive people that help you shine. Help them shine too. And show gratitude.

Thank you Robyn!

It is up to you to choose to listen or not. Here is an affirmation I am currently so fond of that I will make it my mantra for a little while. (will even make it the Seed of Inspiration quote on this blog)

I pay attention to my inner calling
and apply my own uniqueness
to everything undertake.

Monday Happened?

2011-07-12T15:40:00.002-04:00

Alas... due to the new status as store owner... my Mondays got re-allocated to store work. this Monday turned out to be very busy for me. The day... and then later the evening were simply just.. gone before i knew it.

I hoped to have today off to do the things I meant to do yesterday. But i missed something important yesterday and had to do that instead.

I have a few minutes. catching up on the little things: making the bed, folding the laundry, putting away dishes, washing more dishes, find the summer clothing, pack away the winter clothing.

Then I have some personal stuff I intend to do: meditation and signing up at curves.

My evening is committed to my friend so we can squee over a variety of things (like the comic I finally got in the mail... yes, i read comic books still).

So... meditation posts to come soon. I am enjoying them. I hope you are too.

Relaxed Day: Anniversary

2011-07-10T23:47:00.002-04:00

We relaxed most of the day. I finished sorting my altar cabinet. It is very pretty and now very functional as well. I have a list of items that need replacing, stuff to get over the coming weeks. Worked on coven stuff in the later afternoon.

Then, the hubby treated us to dinner. We watched a movie we both adore (Sword of the Stranger). I baked cookies. We nailed down the linoleum. He helped JWW move his TV. Then we shared time together playing Plants vs Zomies. We have an odd life, but a good one.

This week, we will finish the hallway by cutting the 1/4 rounds, sanding the French doors, varnishing both, and nailing the 1/4 round into place. The final hallway touches would be extremely washable curtains and some art.

Next weekend... I tackle the kitchen.

Work work work this week, but I will pace myself more carefully. Last week I suffered.

Today... as I said... was a relaxed day... much needed.
Made for a wonderful and peaceful anniversary.

Meditation #3

2011-07-10T11:25:00.000-04:00

I am sitting in my back yard on my back porch. It is lovely with the sun, though i am in the shade. The temperatures are comfortable and the breeze is gentle.

Today is my wedding anniversary. I wonder what we will do today?

For the moment, I start with my peaceful time for me. I am reading a couple books: "Lit from Within" and Dr. Wayne dyer's Living Wisdom of the Tao".

I sip tea and meditate.

I have often told myself that i want to read these through, that I want to take time for me to meditate and be and discover through these books. But I never seemed to get around to it. Now, I am committing myself... for myself. If i cannot take care of myself, how can I hope to care for others? If I cannot appreciate myself, how can I appreciate others?

Today's meditation is about affirmations, words, and living actions.

Words have power. No living thing can blossom under a constant barrage of criticism (from others or from the self). I have come up with some affirmations for myself. Things I need to hear and believe, things that are true. Sometimes they need much repeating to sink in, though. These are simple affirmations to help shift my attitude.

- I am beautiful.
- I accept my body today.
- I have purpose.
- I love my life.
- I feel content... happy.
- Smile! Today is a good day!

Don't allow caveats to interfere with your affirmations. Don't allow your conversations to contradict them. Be gracious when others confirm them. Say, "thank you." Just that, sinple and appreciative.

Speak well of yourself and others, it builds integrity.

Shine... in thought... in word... and in deed.

Be impartial and yet love everything, give unconditionally, share without favor. Shine... and help others to shine too.

I am reminded of my Three-fold Promise.

Be True to my Word
Be True to my Path
Be true to Myself

One last thing...
To my hubby... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Purge & Discover

2011-07-10T00:04:00.003-04:00

So... through purging the hallway stuff and the old altar cabinet, I found all kinds of forgotten stuff. Most of it I just chucked to the trash. However, i found the research for my Taoist Ordination paper. Now I can actually think about finishing that paper (even though the teacher is in China now). I also found some coven stuff that needs filing and CMS stuff that needs filing and updating. The found items are on the kitchen table for sorting, filing, using.

Tomorrow, I will empty the altar cabinet and plan exactly how it will be used now that it is in its new location in the hallway. Also, will mount framed art above it.

Also tomorrow, I will finish the construction of the litterbox area by thoroughly scrubbing and disinfecting the area, nailing down the linoleum, cutting and varnishing the 1/4 rounds that will hold down the linoleum, and nailing the 1/4 rounds into place. Hmmm... need for cat litter too. the new kitten knows the adult litterbox now, so she is no longer going to be locked up in the office unless tonight's first free overnight goes badly.

It is midnight. I slept badly (if at all) the last couple nights. Then napped like 4-5 hours this afternoon. Guess I will be awake now for a bit... or not. I am still really tired. The whole week was exhausting. Yet, as more and more of the house gets purged and organized, I am feeling better and have a bit more energy and focus and motivation.

Meditation #2

2011-07-09T09:04:00.004-04:00

From celebrating yourself to valuing yourself. You care about the things you value. Value... YOU. And so you will care about you. Care leads to love. Love yourself. Think well of yourself.

I am worth taking care of.
- body
- exercise
- rest
- inner peace and joy

It it alright to treat myself now and then.

The hard part is refraining from comparing myself to others or an earlier version of myself.

This weekend I am giving myself time for me. I am doing something fun. These small lessons above are a continuation of what I started yesterday, moving from attitude to thinking and doing. Will and Word. Think it, say it, do it. As Nike advertising says, JUST DO IT! So... I am.

There is no "way" to happiness. Happiness is the "way".

This is an attitude adjustment. So many seek some means or path to happiness. If you think about Happiness as the path, then you need only choose to be happy and see the joys in others and appreciate the good around you. Allow your ambitions to weaken some so that you may strengthen your bones. Just be and do... allow everything to settle into its own perfect place.

What does it mean to be empty yet inexhaustible? This is a lesson of the Tao. Emptiness. Nothingness. It is an uncluttering of the soul. It is a connecting to the infinite and feeling the sharp edges of you softened, the knotted parts loosen and untwist, the burning becomes soothed and the dust settles for you to realize that there is never really any dust within the soul. It was merely buried, hidden, yet ever present.

This is what meditation is for, to help sort the chaos over your soul till the inner chatter quiets.

Listen non-judgmentally. Encourage expression. This holds true for yourself as it does for comunicating with those you love. Listen to them. Listen to yourself.

Also, understand and accept that everything changes. Nothing is static. That includes our loving relationships, our lives, and our body and soul. We grow and change and evolve. We learn and become new over and over. This is worthy of value.

Value the world around you. Value those you love. Value yourself... and you will be valued.

This does not mean to be egotistical. It simply means you care and show that care. It means to appreciate... and love.

Meditation #1

2011-07-08T09:12:00.002-04:00

Bits of wisdom from reading and meditating for the self and my spirituality.

If the soul came first, then it is the soul that needs the first care. Paying some attention to it will give peace of mind and help everything else fall into place. The body will become a reflection of the soul. Sometimes, we need to give ourselves permission to just be who we are, celebrate what makes us special.

"If you celebrate your differentness, the world will too. It believes exactly what you tell it - through the words you choose to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself."

So, if I want to show how I want to be seen... I have to take extra steps to do so without caveats and negative self-talk. From hair to clothes to the gym to general attitude... and so on. I have to accept me. I will never be a size 3 ever again. Hating how I feel in my skin will never help me love my self-image.

"The mystery itself is the doorway to understanding."

The web... The will & the word... The Divine...
The mystery of me...

"Act without effort, teach without words"

This is about exuding one's self, living the paradox and duality with unity. Just... BE!

Sometimes that means letting go. Let go of the things that drag you down, of the obligation that overwhelm, purge the collected clutter. It started with purging the two most important rooms in the house (bathroom and bedroom). The goal was to have a clean place (not just spic-n-span... but clean as in fresh, uncluttered, bright) to be physically clean. Also, to have a peaceful place to sleep.

What steps am I taking for me? I will trim my hair today. I will wear comfortable clothing that expresses me (and fit properly). I will get my membership to Curves. I meditate for a little bit in the morning to clear my head, relax, and plan the day. I will purge a little more of the house.

Today is about being... about moving at my pace.
It is about the root chakra for this week... about safety and security and a sense of healthy survival. It is about feeling and being grounded.

To be loved, we must love. Hug, caress, kiss. Skin must touch skin for a loving connection. Cuddle.

Questions to consider:
- Why do I hide myself?
- What keeps me from being more animated?
- What holds me back from loving and being loved?

Early Start to the Day

2011-07-08T08:28:00.003-04:00

For odd reasons, despite having woken or been woken every couple hours through the night, I am up and active. I'll probably crash in the afternoon for a nap though. we'll see.

The morning started with making a breakfast smoothie for the hubby and me (mixed berries, watermelon, and cherry frozen yogurt). Also poked into Google+ to see what it is like. WOW! Way better than Facebook (so hate facebook).

Now trying to plan my day which has plans that cannot be fixed in time. So frustrating. I might need to go into work... IF an order I placed arrives.

The to do list for the day:
meditation
call dentist for appointment
Justice of peace interview for handfasting I will be doing
check NC email
laundry
dishes
purge and clean both hall closets
deep clean the hallway & altar cabinet
nail down linoleum
Curves membership

I may even get some relaxation and meditation and chilling done too!

success...

2011-07-05T17:16:00.000-04:00

My days off are never really days off.

As I mentioned, dentist called (fail), will try another dentist tomorrow.
Physio called for new orthotics. Appointment Thursday.
City called. new recycle bins have been ordered.
Returned all the refundable bottles multiplying on the back porch.
-- that allowed me to buy some juice
Dropped off clothes in the Sally Ann box.
Hubby bought floor cleaner and softer food for me to eat (love him).
Hubby cleaned the ceiling fan in the bedroom (because I could not reach it).
Cleaned the betta fishbowl. I has a happy fish.

That is over half the things on my To Do list for the day, though all the small things.

Next to do are the bigger jobs in smaller increments.

On another note, I have gotten back into writing. I am working on my fanifcs again. I had forgotten how amazing this creative outlet is for my sanity. Everyone needs a creative outlet. Also, a physical outlet is good too. Friday I head out to Curves to see about a new membership.

futility?

2011-07-05T12:51:00.002-04:00

So... I called this morning for a dentist appointment. My dentist is closed till the end of July. I wonder if I can hold out till then or not?

I did manage to get an appointment for my orthotics this Thursday. Huzzah! That will cost me $100 just for the appointment. The orthotics themselves, if they need redoing, will be another $450 or so. I don't have that much cash inflow. Ya... I may own a store, but that doesn't mean I get to see all the money.

I found out that there is a city number i can call if my recycle bins have been stolen. YAY! I have to call after 1:30pm. What a relief that I don't have to go all the way there to arrange for new ones.

Now for lunch. After lunch, I will tackle the errands out and then the cleaning in.

priority shuffling

2011-07-04T18:30:00.003-04:00

Dentist appointment just flew up the priority list for tomorrow's errands and phone calls.

I was coffee sick all morning but managed to get into work for 10am. I was useless till about noon. Then I managed to make a newsletter and get it started for sending. I feel accomplished. The store has such a lovely new readers corner (finishing touches to happen this week through the weekend) and a brand new blog thanks to Courtney! SO PRETTY! I am eager to see the rest of the website.

Adding to tomorrow's stuff to do: clean the fish bowl, wipe the bedroom ceiling fan, and sleep in.

OH! I has a baby snake! Maybe I mentioned that already? Anyways, that baby snake finally ate its first meal. I am so relieved.

So... tomorrow after sleeping in the new priority list goes as follows:

call dentist for appointment
call physio for orthotics appointment
call city hall and see about new bins (expect to go there in person)
return refundable bottles
drop off Sally Ann clothing
buy floor cleaner
clean bedroom ceiling fan
clean fish bowl
bathe then feed skink
purge and clean both hall closets
deep clean the hallway & altar cabinet
nail down lenolium
cut 1/4 round and nail in place
wash dishes

Great and Not

2011-07-04T09:11:00.002-04:00

The Great:
Got lots done Saturday except the kitchen and the a/c. That article is now away! Sunday I played more Dragon Age and helped JWW move into our basement. He needed a driver for his rented van. That took all day, but was worth it. The a/c did get put in Sunday, too. The especially great was that we shared dinner with JWW and a friend that evening. I baked a cherry chip cake and let it cool while the friend made salad and JWW baked a shepard's pie. We ate on the back patio in the cool evening air.

The Not:
I had coffee last night that the hubby made to go with dessert. I have been sick all night and morning from it. I knew I should not have had it. Why do I do this to myself?

So I am home and not at work. I need to be at work. This will be a very slow morning while the ick works its way out of me. I suppose my morning could be at least partially productive. I will post a blog for July workshops and events at the store and plan in my head the web and newsletter stuff i need to do for the store to shorten some of my time when I do manage to get in.

It doesn't look like the Kitchen will get that deep cleaning till the weekend. Tomorrow is packed full of errands. City Hall for new recycle bins, returning (in multiple trips) the refundable bottles lurking about, dropping off clothes at the Sally Ann. Deep cleaning the hall and its closets can also get done Tuesday. Oh... And preparing 2010 taxes to be done, calling to make an appointment for new orthotics and ugh... a dentist appointment. Busy Tuesday.

Canada Day Stepping Forward

2011-07-02T14:19:00.002-04:00

I love Canada Day. I love the celebrations and the honorings. We are an amazing country (despite the current government of fail). It is also usually the one day I am guaranteed time off.

Yesterday I lounged with Roo and enjoyed the day.

I even have new nice clothes from a Canada Day eve shopping. I didn't really have that $100 spare, but new clothes were needed and the feel good outing with the hubby was even more needed.

Today I have been doing things in small increments. I am wearing one of my new comfy fun shirts in my favorite blue color. i vowed to play games, do shool stuff and clean the house... and run errands if I have time.

The new kitten is doing well still and is still named Nala for the time being. I have so missed having girl cat energy in the house. I have a baby snake now too that also needs a name. S/He is grey and red/brown with white dots down the back. Very unique.

So what have I done today? Beyond sleep poorly for unknown reasons?

I meditated. I tidied the clean bedroom and made the bed. I made breakfast (brunch really) and ate it while playing some Dragon Age Awakenings. I finished the majority of the laundry and folded it. I don't want to do more till the laundry machines get changed. I sorted out the winter clothing from the bedroom and stuffed them in a bag for storage. I also bagged clothes for the Sally Ann. Now I am giving the bathroom the same deep cleaning I gave the bedroom last week.

Then the day's agenda includes: buying lizard/snake food and glass cleaner and dinner, editing that year old article they decided they want re-edited for print, trying to install the a/c, and deep cleaning the kitchen.

Friend moved into the basement. What a BLESSING! The interlopers left a mess, a bike, and stuff. the interlopers also "borrowed" our recycle bins to transport their stuff and never returned them. Now I have to make a trip out to city hall and request new ones. Argh!

world is slowly changing

2011-06-29T10:46:00.002-04:00

My world, anyways.

It has been a while since i last posted here. I've been busy. Too busy. There is too much to actually post here as an update. So let me just illuminate the recent or really big stuff.

Have not found a cleaning person I like yet. So I am taking some time off work to do it myself. Means I will have double my work ahead of me.

Store is doing alright so far, to my amazement. Yes, I worried. New business stress I suppose. I shouldn't worry. It has been running for almost 20 years. It isn't like I am starting something new and hoping it flies. The only failing I have is the website for the store which is woefully behind. Some updates have been done. I just seem to have a mental block when trying to work with it. The up is that our new employee is a designer specialist and she is working on building us a new updated amazing website we hope to launch in a month or so. Looking forward to starting September fresh!

School... hmmm... it has been stagnating at the moment. i have been too busy to look at anything. Maybe once the house gets a bit more organized and I can find stuff and sit comfortably again, i will get back to it.

Currently, I retired a store cat to a staff member's home for his geriatric days. he is being so pampered. I am glad it is working out. I moved our bullying cat, Ninja, out to the store. He is a super lovey and cuddly cat who just doesn't seem to be nice with other cats. In a new place where someone else is dominant, he seems to be mellowing out. If he works out at the store, he will remain a store cat. If he bullies Luna, then he goes up for adoption.

Speaking of adoption. Rescued a kitten. Keeping her. she is damned cute. Even the hubby is mushy with her. As for where I got her from... vile place. There are no words for the vile disgusting state of the apartment she came from. It was unfit for any living thing, animal or human. The girl there had tried to commit suicide. I have zero compassion and zero sympathy for that kind of selfish irresponsibility. If you are going to do something like that... get it right the first time. Cries for help of that sort get nothing from me. I was nice enough to help a tiny bit and care for the animals. But to yell then at the people doing such a favor... gets you nothing. Really angry at her. Keeping the kitten for its own safety.

Spent yesterday in a rescue operation, looking for lost baby snakes. Found some of them! YAY! I hope the other ones get found today.

I am so exhausted and sore from running around for 2 solid weeks. I took a morning off today. I only managed to sleep till 10am. I am having breakfast, packing for the class to teach this evening, cleaning the bathroom and bedroom, doing laundry... all before I head to work for the afternoon. I know. It is not really taking time off. But i am taking each thing one small relaxed step at a time. Breakfast while typing this for instance. I am blessedly already packed for class.

Hmmm... I think laundry and bedroom will only get done.

Hope everyone is having a great day. I pray it is a better day for those who are having rough weeks lately.

Has it been that long?

2011-06-03T19:07:00.002-04:00

I got overwhelmed with school, Gaia Gathering conference, and work.

Hated my house so much, I hired a cleaning service.

Not sure how I like her. She is chatty, strongly accented (so a bit hard to understand), and makes me feel like my home has been turned upside down. She literally turned my home upside down. She did a very decent deep cleaning and helped push me to move things about that needed moving. I discovered that out stock of basic cleaning supplies is so woeful that I need to buy some. I have a floor again.

She cleaned the kitchen, livingroom, bedroom, and bathroom. A normal cleaning will be about $80. This cleaning cost me about $140 because it was just... so embarrassingly... so bad. she will tackle my office in two weeks. She charged by the job and not by the hour. she didn't ask me about the wier4d stuff in my home (like the altar paten or the deer skull). she was not afraid of my cats or lizards, but I had to lock them up just to get them out of the way.

Things are now not in their normal places and it is driving me batty. Also, she did not put the cleaning stuffs away. She was a bit rushed as I had originally planned to be out the door at 6pm. But since I removed the curtains and started washing them and hanging them to dry, now I need to stay home for them. the fact that she was rushed showed. But she still managed real well.

Now I have to readjust everything to cam my own discontented anxiety. Guess I'll do that sorting thing the house needs while laundry runs. Bathroom is done, next is the bedroom. At least those are fast. Kitchen will be after that. By then the curtains should be ready to go back up. Then i can tackle the livingroom. I think I want to rearrange the livingroom furniture. Yes, I do. The hubby is out for the night so I shall do just that!

Oh... errand first. Need some grocery stuff.

In two weeks, cleaning woman comes back to do a general clean on the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and livingroom, and then a deep clean of my office. I'll ask her to please put things back when she is done. That will help me feel better.

Off to enjoy the sun and run my errand.

Recovering

2011-05-16T17:13:00.003-04:00

So this last weekend has been hell in several ways. Bad cramping reminds me why i hate being female sometimes. It got so bad this time I ended up in an ambulance to Montreal General. lovely waste of my life's limited available time.

Home and fine. Very very exhausted though. I am on very VERY slow, trying to get caufght up to everything that I dropped over the weekend.

I managed to see some of the Invisible Saturday night. And for the record, Ash was just fine! Not sure what he was worried about. He sounded great!!

The rest of the weekend has been mostly downtime.

Today, I am trying to get back on track. I stayed home from work and caught up on the Gaia Gathering emails. Still have to send one out to all the presenters in the Academic Stream.

I have to prepare my art for the Art Show. I have to plan what I am speaking about on the panels I happen to be speaking on. I have a booklet to put together for the Academics. And I have to prepare the store to vend there. Much of this will get done over the next couple days.

Today, I stayed home, relaxed and read and read and read. I have all the narrowed texts and passages for the last section of my paper on Ordination Rites. My teacher gave me a tentative B+ for now, so a finished paper cannot make the grade any worse. Might make it better. I still have a bunch of pages to write though. I took a brain break with a friend and have gotten ready for a Gaia Gathering meeting that I am about to head off to.

Tomorrow, I will stay home and write. I need that paper finished.

Then comes all that planning that I just mentioned. It will be a very busy Wednesday and Thursday. I wish I had more energy. That crash and trip to the hospital wiped me clean out. Why must recoveries be so damnably slow?

New news...

2011-05-08T21:58:00.003-04:00

Just got words from the school. The F is removed and I have an extension for the thesis till August 31st. I have till April 30th, 2012 to finish the program.

I have time to think about how I want to handle this or if I want to turn it down.

This week... work work work, teach and finish a paper.

News is in

2011-05-08T01:39:00.003-04:00

So, the night came and I was not done the paper. I was about half done. I sent it to him as is and hoped for the best, accepting the worst. He emailed back that it was really good so far. He was going to grade me on that. He still wants the rest of the paper. Then he will make a grade correction. Huzzah! Now I have till the 18th to finish it. I should be able to get most of it done tomorrow.

I poked into my online thingy for school to check my grades so far. Last term's class with the sex & Taoism paper got a B-. Not great, but not bad either.

Then I saw the F. I have an F. It is for the thesis I can never seem to get to. So that's it. I'm done. I will finish this Taoism paper and get my grade correction, then I throw in the towel. I am sorry to give up this close to the end, but I cannot continue being this divided anymore.

Part of me feels totally like a failure, like a quitter. Part of me feels incredibly relieved.

I think, once the drugs kick in and the wrist stops hurting (dunno why it hurts to begin with), I will try to get some sleep.

Then in the morning or sometime during the day, I think i will do some much needed gardening.

Invisible

2011-05-06T22:30:00.002-04:00

standing, walking, working,
always in the light
surrounded by a crowd
seen but not seen
more alone with others
more alone with loved ones
than when I am alone
seen but not seen
heard but not heard
heart screaming
on a mute TV
seen but not seen
invisible

How long must I remain invisible?
When will I be seen?
When will I be heard?

Rough Ride

2011-05-06T20:35:00.002-04:00

This week has been hard on me. Drama after drama after drama. I am encountering a great deal more challenges. Children in elementary school are just as much trouble. They don't seem to have any respect these days. Ever try getting on a bus full of kids from early highschool? Adults are not much better sometimes.

I feel like I am a failure some days. This week emphasized that feeling. I have the reminder to get a paper in no later than Saturday night or I fail. 24hrs or an F. I am trying my best, but is it enough? Am I wasting my time for the respect I am supposed to have for what I do? Sometimes I want to give up, wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Too far along in anything to do that now. I must work with what I've got. 24hrs.

Can this rough riding week be forgotten for just a day or two?

Progress? YES!

2011-05-01T18:32:00.002-04:00

So the store is still alive! And so am I and so is the hubby! We survived the first month. Made a tiny adjustment to May's schedule and starting to look at training and retraining. I am preparing for the summer vacation time where we lack staff to cover shifts. Preparing to hire on a new member if she works out for training.

School is going slow. I had finished one overdue paper. I have two more to do. One i am aiming to have done by May 7th (Taoist Ordination Rites). I have most of an introduction written and a fairly firm outline. Awaiting my teacher's final approval before I dive in. I booked time off work next week to be able to work on the paper. After that I have the thesis. But with the overdue papers out of the way, focusing on the thesis will be easier.

Gaia Gathering is progressing. My section of the Academic Stream might actually be done! Just need to work on some logistics for AV equipment. My next step is to work with Multifaith Chaplaincy and remind them that they had agreed to do something on the Friday with us. That is on my Monday plan after work and before the core team meeting.

Progress on bills: most paid up to date, some still need work (school and Hydro), but they are coming and I hope to have them cleared by June.

Had a day out in the sun with the hubby yesterday. It was lovely! We ran some errands. We visited a friend's new game shop. We browsed St-Catherine Street. We spent some time at Hurley's for Hobbes' birthday.

The game shop: Chimera Games: 6252 Somerled, NDG. bus 103 from Villa Maria to corner of Grand and Somerled. Perfect place for roleplaying books, table-top games and figs, card games and a ton of fun! Support them please, they are new in town, just opened April 1st!
http://www.facebook.com/ChimeraGames?v=info
http://www.chimeragames.ca/

Today, I slept in and wrote stuff and enjoyed a quiet day. Laundry is done and ham is cooking for Beltane dinner. Found my steampunk stuff and discovered it to be... inadequate for what I have in my head. My steampunk skirt is on its way from Thailand and I have a hat that needs steampunking. So I am on my way to having a good costume for the steampunk banquet at Gaia Gathering.

Tonight's plan?

walk Tsuki outside in the sun
have dinner and watch movie with the hubby
work on training manual for the store
finish introduction for Taoist Ordination paper

Tomorrow's plan?

get caught up with the weekend
redo advertising page for Gaia Gathering & ad for McGill
fix bathroom light (and maybe the faucet)
prepare stuff for Val & hubby for the week
keep kicking out the stupid newsletter
meet with new potential employee
meet someone else (whom I have forgotten... gak)
have private meeting with owners and manager
prepare staff files
plan May
arrange to acquire needed work programs
meet with Multifaith Chaplaincy
dinner at Mel's
Gaia Gathering Meeting

That is a BUSY Monday!!!

Tuesday is all gardening and paper writing. Wednesday is the same followed by cultural sacred space creation and art. Thursday is work and meetings. Friday is paper writing till it is DONE!

OMG... I had a Monday to ME!

2011-04-25T16:41:00.002-04:00

Easter Monday.

I took the day off. I slept in. The new king sized bed is Ginormous! I had me a lazy day. I wondered off to the grocery store and came home to do laundry. I am marinading chicken now for a very yummy dinner.

More laundry and then some term paper to write. I need to try to finish it by Friday.

Want a Queen Bed Frame?

2011-04-23T09:34:00.005-04:00

So today I picked up a King Bed box spring and mattress from a friend.

Now I need a new home for our old bed frame which is a queen. Anyone want a wooden queen bed frame? Ikea make and everything is in good condition. However, there is no mattress or box spring. This is just the frame.

The pictures give you a rough idea about the look. The two piles of wood are the slats that support across the underside so you cab lat a mattress or box spring into the frame. All parts are present, including all screws and such.

Let me know!

Mom Found It and Sent It to Me...

2011-04-20T10:42:00.001-04:00

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

check check check

2011-04-12T20:09:00.002-04:00

... or tick tick tick...

TICK - bought a light for the reader's corner that looks amazing (sad installation is stalled)
TICK - morning work of orders and emails swiftly cleared before opening
TICK - secured staff for Wednesday so I can paper write
TICK - crash course on store database
TICK - crash course on store website
TICK - crash course on PHP newsletter stuff
TICK - faxed off new ownership stuff to those who needed it
TICK - paid bills all in one week (that is a bit freaky)
TICK - got myself a new visa card (stupid wallet theft)
TICK - mailed off my hair to0 Locks of Love
TICK - got a money order for medicare
TICK - CLSC now has my medicare forms and payment, new card in 4-6 weeks (stupid wallet theft)
TICK - Tao Sex books returned to library and fines paid

DAMN - Tao Ordination book only on 3-hr reserve, will have to come back tomorrow

TICK - Tao & Sex paper officially dropped off with professor
TICK - found new phone I want

DAMN - paid bills and can't afford new phone (maybe next week)

TICK - looked at hats for my steampunk costume and maybe Scotch Tasting party

DAMN - didn't find one I liked enough to buy... still on the hunt

TICK - stocked up on some energy drinks for the next paper round
TICK - set up paypal with new visa (since others were stolen!)
TICK - bought perdy skirt for steampunk costume

DAMN - no paper writing done today

TICK - printed articles for research and found all relevant info in books (except the reserved book)
TICK - found paper proposal and now reviewing new approaches
TICK - got all my T-4's and Releves that were missing, now 2009 taxes can happen

DEAR FUCKING GODS! Tsuki is back to the yowling again. I want to make him a store cat so he can yowl at the store, but hubby reminded me of his super quickness at escaping out screen doors and how we would fast be missing a $2500USD cat downtown if i did make him a store cat. *SIGH!!!*

Problematic caller at the store requires my attention. Will call person tomorrow and find out what is up and deal with them. Candles going on the altar as preemptive measures.

Oh!

TICK - registered store to vend at Gaia Gathering and have secured staff for it
TICK - have some new items for the store (blessed palms, and soon TOTE BAGS!)
TICK - prepared forms for International New Age Gift Show in Denver, going as a buyer

DAMN - forgot to speak to multifaith for Gaia Gathering, will do it tomorrow

SURPRISE - found ZEN section of library and did NOT want to leave it!

And all that was just today (except for the Gaia Gathering registration). I still need to get the palms blessed by a priest, but in a way they already are if they came from a religious items distribution place, so I think it is fine. Wish I have a week between today and tomorrow to do all the other stuff I need/want to do.

Big News in triplicate!

2011-04-11T22:41:00.002-04:00

1 - I co-own a store! Oh wait, you knew that already. Such changes... hmmm... so new #1... I cut my hair... SHORT! Sending two braids off to Locks For Love.

2- My partner in ownership just gave birth this morning! A boy. they are fine and will be home Wednesday.

3- My first overdue paper is finished. AT FREAKING LAST!

I have done some mad cancelling this week in order to free my time up to work on yet another paper. One down, two to go. Next topic Taoist Ordination Rites. Then Pagan Conversion Theory. I wonder if I can manage all that by the end of April... I doubt it, maybe by the end of may or June. Then I have one class and two exams to do.

The cats have been crazy with the change in temp and pressure and with the storm. YOWLING! OMG the yowling. The hubby keeps threatening on kicking the cats out to the store to be store kitties. Tempting... Tsuki could yowl all he wants there and no one would care. The weather has meant bad sleep if any at all and migraines. I have been managing... and even trying to come across as cheery.

I must extend a warm thank you to my staff at the store for their patience with the skeletal thin hours of soloing and for putting up with me as I struggle through learning new things. They have great ideas and I hope to incorporate them a little at a time as things go.

What has been done so far? Feeling our way around the background work. Reorganizing some storage areas and the shipping area. Next is the rest of the warehouse and production areas, then the office. Need to let all suppliers know the change of ownership and start restocking the store. First week of paying employees. I feel weird and excited. I have employees. AND I get to pay them. NEAT! I know that likely isn't exciting to anyone, but it is for me.

Now if only the air pressure would not sit at points that really HURT!

Monday Monday

2011-04-04T20:19:00.002-04:00

Usually... this is my day off... a day for me.
Today was a day to celebrate me and Val as new owners!

I was up super early and have a great morning with the hubby. We traveled together to arrive at the shop early. We even made it out to have breakfast together. YAY!

It was a super busy morning of poster making, learning new boss-things, handling orders, planning, and much more. It was a surprisingly fun! There is still a great many more things to do and plan. We'll get there. Working with my husband was amazing... and funny! I love seeing this side of him.

I had planned on going to a meeting, but still have that paper I am working on.
I have a day off tomorrow to keep at the paper.

OH! I have to put out a thank you to Diane, Marc, Mom, Dad, Nanny, Linh, and Caroline for the wonderful flowers this weekend to brighten things up and inspire joy and enthusiasm. Thank you... heehee... enthusiastically!

Just a Little Update

2011-04-02T20:06:00.002-04:00

I am an owner (co-owner) of a store. Weird! Friday was my first day and boy was it BUSY!! I am very happy though. We will work it all out.

Last week was insane between preparing for a school presentation and meeting with a notary and then becoming store owner. The presentation miraculously happened... and happened well! This despite my being in pain almost beyond focus. The notary went smoothly, though oops, forgot to get some photocopies of stuff and forgot to give some photocopies of stuff. That will be resolved later next week. Had a reiki session with an amazing reiki master, Robyn. I highly recommend her! you can contact her through www.montrealreiki.com (montreal.reiki@gmail.com). It helped me a great deal and might be able to carry me till I can get to see a doctor proper about the injuries and flare-ups. Started Friday as a new co-owner of a store with so much excitement! Was too busy and exhausted to do my Gaia Gather task. SORRY! I dropped the ball, but hope to be back on track soon.

Today, I had rough sleep. I know I need to see a doc about the hip and shoulder. On the plan to call Monday... really really... i promise I will call on Monday. Dashed off to Orientale for henna and to place an order for the store. Then off to lead a Blessing Way ceremony for Val who is going to be a new mom very VERY soon! Though now that my hands have really gotten to touch the baby's energy... i no longer think she will be early. I suspect she will be right on time or even a week late. My guess is that the baby will be about 8Lbs, if that. He is smaller than I expected.

I am now home and tired and sore and STARVED! Pasta is baking. Tonight's plan is to relax and do the Gaia Gathering stuff I have to do. Tomorrow is all about finishing my paper on Sex and Taoism. I hope to be finished tomorrow night. I want to be done by Tuesday!

Nothing Smooth Today

2011-03-28T17:13:00.003-04:00

The day has not gone as smoothly as I would have liked. I had plans to run errands, but the budget got strained a little unexpectedly. I abandoned the errands entirely. The next plan was to catch up on emails and get some school work done. That took WAY longer than I intended and the school work hadn't happened at all. Last is the handfasting stuff I need to prepare and reading and preparing a presentation.

I have read snippets here and there in the early part of the day.

I am only now sitting down to the handfasting stuff.

Then I have to devote myself to reading. Half a book then prepare a presentation before 3pm tomorrow. Thank the gods for a Monday Me day and for an energy drink. I hope another energy drink finds its way to me tonight so I can keep at it.

Breathing Again

2011-03-25T21:21:00.003-04:00

Now my big news is OUT! I no longer need to hold my breath. Thanks to everyone who have wished me well in this and congratulated me. I am excited, happy, stressed, worried, excited, happy... see a pattern?

I am really looking forward to this. And I think I have a fun April lined up to draw people into the shop for all the little surprises and events.

BRIGHT BLESSING!

Big News!!!

2011-03-23T22:45:00.002-04:00

I can stop holding my breath now!!!

--------------------------------------------------

Greetings clients, customers and community members. Please do not adjust your sets while we provide you with this very important Public Service Announcement.

Le Mélange Magique / The Magical Blend is changing ownership as of April 1st. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. The current owner, Debra Aubin, is moving on to new challenges and two new owners in partnership, T. Scarlet Jory and Valérie Laville, are stepping up to take the reins.

Message from the Current Owner

I have been honoured to be part of this community over the past two decades. When I started up Le Mélange Magique in 1991 with my original partner Elyse, we envisioned a “small, magickal herb shop” and could not have dreamed that Le Mélange Magique would become as well-known as it is.

I have had the pleasure to meet many wonderful people over the years through the numerous festivals and fairs we have participated in or sponsored. I have been privileged to see the Montreal community grow and evolve since the first Pagan Grove meetings two decades ago. Most importantly, the staff and friends of Le Mélange Magique have been part of my personal and spiritual growth - and part of my family.

At the same time, I'm eager to begin the next phase of my life, with new challenges and an even greater focus on my family. I am leaving the store in good hands with great confidence in its future. I've worked with Scarlet for over a decade and her energy and vision will continue to move Le Mélange Magique into the future. I'm incredibly happy that Le Mélange Magique has a new, steady hand to guide it and I wish Scarlet and Valérie many years of happiness and prosperity.

Message from the New Owners

It is with great excitement that we start on this new path as owners of Le Mélange Magique. Scarlet has worked with the store since 1999 and has been involved in the Montreal Pagan community since 1994. She looks forward to better serving the magical community.

Valérie has been training in magic and Paganism for the last several years, as well as having trained in the healing field as an osteopath. She looks forward to adding a new element to the field of magic with the introduction of healing services at the store.

The Magical Blend is dedicated to offering a complete selection of products oriented towards the followers of all alternative spiritual paths, including Wicca, Paganism, Magick, Goddess Spirituality, Witchcraft, Santeria. While we have great new ideas, we will not compromise the foundations that the store has already built. We are eager to receive feedback from the community in regards to products and services they would like to see in the store.

Fresh new energy and fresh new ideas from the staff have inspired an exciting transition! Here are some of the exciting events to look forward to throughout April.

April Events

March 31^st, Thursday till 9pm: Debra will be within the store available to meet with anyone wishing to say goodbye and wish her well in her new life. Come celebrate with her!

April 1^st, Friday morning:

- Penny Incense Day: spend your lucky penny on a package of our famous Mystery Blend incense

- Kwan Yin / Kannon Day: Celebrate the Asian Goddess with us and help raise funds for Japan Relief.

April 4^th, Monday all day: Celebrate with the new owners! Yay! Meet us, asks us questions, make suggestions, and share tea with us!

April 7^th, Thursday all day and evening: World Health Day:

- Meet the various healers in our community and learn what they can do for you

- Free trials of some techniques

- Schedule full session appointments (new for the store, Mondays are healer days! See a healer instead of a reader on Mondays.)

April 22^nd, Friday: Earth Day:

- seedlings of herbs will be available for sale today

- introducing the store’s new REUSABLE cloth bags at last!

- Earth Day Ritual 7-8pm led by the store’s staff

Many more exciting activities will happen through April along with the workshops.

You can check out our website or our blog for details and a more complete list of the exciting new events.

http://www.themagicalblend.com/services.htm

http://melangemagique.blogspot.com/

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for reading!

Bonjour clients et membres de la communauté! N’ajustez pas votre appareil pendant cette importante annonce publique!

Le Mélange Magique/The Magical Blend changera d’administration à partir du 1er Avril. Ce n’est pas une blague de poisson d’avril! La propriétaire actuelle, Debra Aubin, s’envole vers de nouveaux horizons. Deux nouvelles propriétaires, T.K. Scarlet Jory et Valérie Laville, prendront le relais de l’entreprise.

Message de la propriétaire actuelle

J’ai été honorée de faire partie de cette communauté pendant une vingtaine d’années. Quand Le Mélange Magique a été fondé en 1991, avec ma partenaire d’origine Élyse, nous pensions établir une “petite boutique d’herbes” et jamais nous n’aurions imaginé que Le Mélange Magique devienne aussi connu qu’il l’est maintenant.

J’ai eu le plaisir de rencontrer plusieurs personnes merveilleuses avec les années grâce aux festivals et foires que nous avons organisé et où nous y avons participé. J’ai eu le privilège de voir la communauté montréalaise grandir et changer depuis les premières rencontres du Pagan Grove il y a 20 ans. Le personnel et les amis du Mélange Magique ont fait partie de ma croissance personnelle et spirituelle, et sont un peu ma famille.

Je suis excitée de commencer une nouvelle phase de ma vie, incluant de nouveaux défis et une plus grande dévotion à ma famille. Je laisse la boutique entre bonnes mains et j’ai confiance dans le futur. J’ai travaillé avec Scarlet pendant plus d’une décennie; son énergie et sa vision fera en sorte que Le Mélange Magique continue sa mission dans le futur. Le Mélange Magique sera guidé par une main ferme. Je souhaite à Scarlet et Valérie des années de bonheur et de prospérité.

Message des nouvelles propriétaires

C’est avec beaucoup d’enthousiasme que nous commençons notre nouvelle vie de propriétaires du Mélange Magique. Scarlet a travaillé à la boutique depuis 1999 et a été impliquée dans la communauté païenne de Montréal depuis 1994. Elle a hâte de continuer à servir la communauté païenne.

Valérie a pris plusieurs cours dans le domaine de la magie et du paganisme depuis quelques années et a aussi complété une formation de guérisseur en tant qu’ostéopathe. Elle a hâte de contribuer au domaine de la magie et à la communauté en introduisant un volet de guérison à la boutique.

Le Mélange Magique s’engage à offrir une sélection complète de produits pouvant servir aux adeptes de spiritualité alternative, incluant la Wicca, le Paganisme, la Magie, le culte de la Déesse, la Sorcellerie et le Santeria. Alors que nous avons de nouvelles idées pour le magasin, nous ne compromettrons pas les bases stables de la boutique. Nous sommes intéressées de connaître l’opinion de la communauté par rapport aux produits et services que nous offrirons.

Une énergie et des idées nouvelles provenant des employés ont inspiré une transition excitante de la boutique! Voici quelques évènements qu’il vous faut noter pour le mois d’avril.

31 mars, jeudi, jusqu’à 21h : Debra sera à la boutique toute la journée pour rencontrer les gens voulant lui dire au revoir et lui souhaiter tout de bon dans sa nouvelle vie. Venez célébrer avec elle!

1^er avril, vendredi :

- « Penny Incense Day » : venez dépenser votre 1¢ chanceux sur un paquet d’encens « mélange mystère ».

- Jour de Kwan Yin/Kannon : venez célébrer cette déesse asiatique et aidez-nous à amasser des fond pour le Japon.

4 avril, lundi : venez célébrer avec les nouvelles propriétaires! Venez nous rencontrer, nous poser des questions, nous donner des suggestions et partager le thé avec nous!

7 avril, jeudi, Journée de la Santé Mondiale :

- Venez rencontrer les guérisseurs de la communauté et savoir ce qu’ils peuvent faire pour vous.

- Venez essayer certaines techniques de guérison gratuitement!

- Prenez rendez-vous avec les guérisseurs pour des séances complètes (nouveau à la boutique, les lundis seront les jours réservés pour les guérisseurs au lieu d’avoir des astrologues sur le plancher).

22 avril, vendredi, Jour de la Terre :

- Des semis d’herbes seront à vendre.

- De nouveaux SACS RÉUTILISABLES seront disponibles, enfin!

- Rituel à 19-20h pour le Jour de la Terre, mené par les employés du magasin.

Plusieurs autres activités et ateliers seront organisés en avril. Restez en contact!

Vous pouvez consulter notre site internet et notre blogue pour les détails des évènements :

http://www.themagicalblend.com/services.htm (en anglais)

http://melangemagique.blogspot.com/ (en anglais)

Nous retournons maintenant à l’horaire régulier! Merci de votre attention!

Monday Me day

2011-03-21T18:22:00.002-04:00

Been a while. I have been very busy. Today I relaxed. Not much choice really. The hip is iffy, but better. The shoulder is worsening. Tomorrow I call for a doctor appointment that I don't expect to get till June. Maybe I will be lucky?

I spent much of today just laying in bed wishing the hurt would just go away. I will be out of excedrin soon. Must budget for some painkillers.

The productive stuff I did today? I did some research. I read through my Taoist Sex notes, paper and books for some ideas for the last part of the paper (not conclusion, but the sexual practices, engendered). I dealt with some drama that I think is resolved now. And I ran a short errand. My cake that I baked last night now has coolwhip to top it off. Mmmmm..... I also did some research for my other paper on Taoist monasticism and rites of ordination. I also did my budget for the month. This week's pay is devoted to some outstanding bills. Next week's is devoted to auto payments and some special surprises. Not sure yet where the bus pass payment will come from.

I did not do the many other things on my to do list that I should have. Calling my tax guy is ABSOLUTE priority tomorrow. I need to see if I can get to see him Saturday. I have to dig up and transcribe some handfasting stuff to send to someone. This I will do tonight. Reading Taoist "Purple Texts" for tomorrow's class is also on the agenda.

Then some other fun stuff: employee manual, training manual, store BOS... wouldn't it be cool if we could sell a store BOS? And more stuff.... Hmmm... dinner first!

Idea

2011-03-14T20:54:00.002-04:00

http://fav.me/n145730

Check this. I didn't want to lose this. I think I will incorporate this somehow.

growl

2011-03-14T17:27:00.003-04:00

So... I thought I broke my website. Apparently I did not! Great! So why is it missing?

The USPS lost my moneyorder.
Domainpeople processed my prepaid visa gift card, then mysteriously refunded it.
Site name is in "redemption" and can't be paid... because that credit card is one of the stolen ones and won't process now. FUCK!

I spend today yelling at everyone. DomainPeople are trying to correct things on their end.
I'll have to get a new prepaid visa to pay them... again. This stolen wallet thing is expensive. The Canada post is investigating the lost moneyorder. I hope to get refunded, but that seems like it will take time.

On a good note, I spent the day laying down and resting and my hip is doing MUCH better.

Off to try to get some homework done.

10 Days

2011-03-14T00:35:00.002-04:00

It has been a little while since I posted. 10 days to be precise. I have healed from the stupidity. I have held my breath till I almost turned blue. And I think it is paying off. Bad things happen in threes to me. And then good things happen.

So three: death in the family, stolen wallet, hip injury.

Husband's dad died. There is family drama. We are trying to stay out till we are actually needed.

Wallet was stolen Wednesday. Mojo in the works against the thief. Slow process to replace everything. Replacing is actually going smoothly, it just killed the budget to pay for new ID and new bus pass. Did you know that if you register your bus pass and it later gets stolen, the STM can block the pass and transfer all fares to a new pass for you? AMAZING! Wish I had done that with my other pass. I did it for the new pass.

Today, I bent over to put a new bag into the garbage can and POP! Pain stabbed the back of my right hip close to my tailbone. I have rarely had pain this bad. OMG it is bad! If people were not just about to show up for coven stuff, I would have gone to the hospital. I put on as brave a face as I could and had them help me now and then. I think I pretended well enough to get through the day's activities. The pain has eased slightly... but only slightly. I tried to sleep and managed an hour. Now I am awake and hurting.

The good? New glasses have arrived. Getting all new wallet necessities has gone perfectly smoothly. And so has the stuff I have been holding my breath about. Some final things have yet to be handled, but all is well and certain. What is it? No, not a baby... alas... but like a baby in that there will be as much work and as much stress, all good. I promise to let everyone know soon.

Homework has not progressed due to life. And every time I plan on a homework day, life interfered. Is that a sign? Yup... slow down. I have dropped a few things to be handled... later. I still want to get some things out of the way though.

I could so use a good massage.

Black & Blue...

2011-03-04T21:17:00.002-05:00

... and sore all over!

Bruised. I am so bruised and now it shows. We received a box shipment at the store. The delivery guy put it on the counter. I moved it off the counter to the floor out of the way. Only... it was WAY heavier than expected. I dropped it. I caught it before i damaged anything inside. But it hit my thighs as I crouched to catch. Now i am black and blue where the corners of the box impacted with my legs. OUCH!!! Then later than day I had a book mishap where a bunch of books tumbled from the top shelf onto my right shoulder. Again OUCH!!!

I ache. I ache more from poor sleep.

I have zero focus even for the fun stuff.

And crap... I lost my bank card (think I left it at Griech & Scaff). Well, I needed a new one anyways.

Year of the Rabbit... holy moly

2011-03-04T07:14:00.002-05:00

When this year's year of the rabbit approached, I read that there would be smooth relaxed successes. Rabbit brings in change that helps gentle the fury of tiger and bring about the joy, prosperity and sense of security we missed the previous year. I kept having the sense that rabbit also brought about swift positive changes.

Holy moly! There are changes happening in my life right now. And they are very swift and I think very positive.

The first is that I will be getting new glasses today. YAY!

I change I would like would be something regarding my basement guy. He had abandoned hos basement in a scary unfit state for 3 weeks. the owner went in to check if maybe he died in there and we didn't know. Maybe he had skipped out (I was hoping), but all his belongings were still there. He came home yesterday at 4:30am and was basting his music. Mark banged on his door and he quieted. Last night was the same thing with loudness, door banging, then flipping the breaker. I was woken at 1:30am when I heard him and Mark yelling at each other downstairs. WTF? And I had hoped to get good sleep.

Other changes also underway, but not yet completed.

Brain Hurts

2011-02-28T23:49:00.002-05:00

This has been a busy brain day.

Planning meetings, having meetings, planning finances, projecting finances, reading homework and doing laundry, email email email and more email, correcting various homeworks and planning classes, preparing meetings.

I missed important stuff like calling my tax guy and running errands.

Didn't even come close to finishing homework.

Tomorrow is banking, homework, class, and a meeting.

Still Holding my Breath

2011-02-27T20:13:00.001-05:00

OMG... it is totally scary! It is totally exciting!
Please gods, let this go through smoothly and allow this potential dream to manifest.

Thanks and Stuff

2011-02-26T18:32:00.003-05:00

Thanks Andrea O. I poked into Gotham City Online as someone suggested. WOW! I will place an order with them next paycheck and see how their shoes are. I am hopeful!

Here are the shoes I have in my cart at the moment and hope they are still available when I get my next pay: http://www.gothamcityonline.com/product/index.cfm?Stock=1301614

I thank whatever deity allowed me a decent nap today too. Much better than the on and off sleep i had between 5-9am.

The hubby has been playing DeathSpank all day. Funny, weird and annoying all at the same time to be stuck listening to.

Guess i will try to do some homework after supper.

Glasses = Shoes

2011-02-25T23:19:00.002-05:00

I hate shoe shopping. Above all other things... shoe shopping is my worst nightmare. I hate all the styles, there is nothing EVER simple or practical in women's shoes. All the styles I like are in men's shoes which obviously will never fit my narrow flat feet. Not to mention I need to put orthotics into these shoes and they have to survive constant everyday wear. Oh... and I have one foot half a size larger that the other. Most people have one foot 1/4 size larger. Shoe manufacturers take that into account as it is the same foot for most people. I am not most people. My larger foot is the OTHER one. so I hate HATE shoe shopping.

I am now ranking shopping for glasses right up there with shoes. I spent a year hating the styles of glasses in all shops. Now that I absolutely MUST get glasses because my lenses are so shitting I see better without my glasses, now I must find... something. I had to get a NEW prescription, even though it had not changed last year from what it was five years ago, and wasn't different this year either. Stupid waste of $65. I have spent several weeks in and out of eye glass places trying to find... something. I found an OK pair at Lensecrafters. I found three decent pairs at Griech & Scaff. Mom offered to pay the extra $50 for me to get the second pair deal at Griech and Scaff. Next Friday I will do just that. I'll have to decide them between the three styles. The red pair that the hubby likes is a definite. the toss up will be a classy gold pair or a modern black pair that looks like flames on the side (I am less sure of this pair but they fit super comfortably).

Today was all about exploring the shops for glasses. Hours and hours of trying on pairs.

I had hoped to do other errands, cleaning and homework, but that errand wiped me of the little energy I have these days from my stupid sick. My neighbors were so worried I was dying from my coughing last night that the girl came down with an herbal tea remedy. I have no idea what is in it, but it seems to be really helping. I will have to send her a thank you somehow.

I did some research for some personal stuff that took a bit of time. Still holding my breath and crossing my fingers. I was given some great advise and will try to follow up on that advise Monday.

I only just now managed food. I am too tired to think about homework. That will be tomorrow. Reading and paper writing.

Spring Yowl

2011-02-19T10:36:00.002-05:00

I opened windows this morning to freshen the house. The cats are running from window to window to yowl out each one in Spring Fever behaviour. Maybe the groundhog was right? we will get an early spring? That is something I am not holding my breath about. I totally expect some frigid weather ahead before true spring arrives.

I slept decently and feel so much better, almost like i could give a spring yowl myself with the cats.

Some temporary house rearranging is in order and getting the new printer working too. We have people arriving later today.

All kinds of exciting things are in the works this week.

Hold

2011-02-18T22:42:00.002-05:00

Some things are worth holding your breath for. I hope I don't have to hold it for too long. And if you are asking... no... I am sadly not pregnant, though I was hoping and and watching the days. But today proved that I definitely was not. So i hold my breath now for other reasons.

I had a long talk with myself yesterday about what I can and cannot do, what I need to let go of and what to focus on. I am officially letting go of the idea of doing my Comprehensive exam this term. I am for the time being abandoning the thesis. I will focus on the overdue paper and the course I am doing now. The rest, will happen or not in due course depending on how my life turns. Stressing about them only makes everything seem impossible and thus nothing gets done.

Also, Firmly taking time for me. Mondays are still my days to work on whatever: cleaning, homework, meditations, errands, fun, whatever. And this Tuesday will be a play date with my mom for fun art stuff.

Don't ask me what I will do with my future, because it is all dependent on which door opens and which door closes for me. Only once those opportunities have been concluded will I know what to do. i refuse to worry and wonder about what if's till i have a good reason to consider them.

Another Decent Day

2011-02-15T22:22:00.002-05:00

I am still sick but improving greatly. That the gods this vicious cold is short lived. I took the day off of everything today and just relaxed a little more. I hiked out to get some groceries and made home made from scratch chicken soup. Turned out real good. Need salt, but that is to taste for each person.

The hubby surprised me with flowers too for Valentine's day. I love him so much. Guess what I did for him. In-house valentine's treasure hunt. It started at his office desk with a card and a clue. That sent him to his closet and shoes for a gift and another clue. That took him to the top bureau drawer for another little fit and clue. That took him to the kitchen for the baked gift and one more clue. That directed him to the old altar with the Imbolc wishes of love and a last clue. that last clue lead him to the love letter i left for him under his pillow.

He gave me his Imbolc love wishes. Love & Creativity.

I am liking the year of the rabbit so far.

How is your day?

2011-02-14T15:29:00.002-05:00

Mine is amazing!

It started with a rose this morning.

I managed to get the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen clean and disinfected. The house is airing out with this lovely warm weather. Laundry is on the go, too. The guys came by to claim the stray hot water tanks from my garage. YAY! This spring i hope to clear much of the garage and get rid of things, especially the things that are not ours.

I got my new printer. OMG it is HUGE!!! I haven't even taken it out of the giant box it is in. Too heavy. It can do EVERYTHING! Scan, photocopy, fax, print, duplex... everything! My mom is jealous. She is coming over on Friday to play with me here! Heehee!

My Valentine's surprises are all in place now too! Baking is done and secrets hidden around the house. I hope the hubby enjoys the treasure hunt of love.

Need to finish cleaning the kitchen and get some homework reading done now.

Rose

2011-02-14T11:36:00.002-05:00

My day has totally been made today.

The doorbell rang and so i abandoned my half-made grilled cheese to get it, expecting the Purolator guy with my printer.

There at my door was NOT the Purolator guy, but my dear friend Hobbes with a rose for me for Valentine's day. I think I stood shocked. I know I stood there in silent shock. No one has surprised me with a rose for Valentine's Day since... since... I think since i was serenaded in CEGEP in 19991.

I am so lucky to have such dear dear friends. Thank you Hobbes. you made my day! Love you lots!

Blessed Monday

2011-02-14T10:05:00.002-05:00

I have a Monday to me again. And today is Valentine's Day! Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!! I wish you all days full of love.

I am still ill, but greatly improved. Now I am just stuffy with a funny hard to understand voice due to the stuffiness.

So what is on today's agenda?

cleaning the house & airing it out of the sick
baking & other valentine's surprises
saying good riddance to the old rented water tanks when the company reclaims them today
receiving my NEW shnazzy printer!
reading for tomorrow's class
working on the sex paper

Today already feels like a good day, despite the stuffiness of my cold.

surviving

2011-02-12T00:59:00.002-05:00

The previous week was awkward with the funeral, but that was over Monday. What have I been doing since? Surviving.

Tuesday, I managed to complete my paper proposal for my Taoist Scriptures class and pull off an ok presentation. TICK! One this OFF the list! still have to read those 150 pages of text for next Tuesday, though. My focus had faltered in the night with the minimal sleep i got from the hourly little dry cough that woke me.

Wednesday, I worked and managed to get the CMS printing done. AND I ordered a new shnazzy printer from Dell. It arrives Monday. The cough persisted intermittently through the day and ended with a fever and lots of coughing at night.

Thursday, I worked and uselessly visited the nurse at the clinic who said I was not yet sick enough to diagnose, though if I was concerned to go see a doctor at the open clinic. Waste. I napped on the sofa at work then had a good chat with a friend. At home, however, the fever persisted till it hit 104. I spent 2 hours with ice water and cold cloths bringing the fever down. I woke every hour through the night.

Today, I worked again. I was still sick but not quite as deathly as I was last night. I left work early and picked up food cravings after a discussion with the boss about what to do with shrimp. I suddenly HAD to have the shrimp broccoli pasta dish. I napped for a few hours till the hubby got home. We made the yummy pasta. Even though I could hardly smell or taste it, it was good!

My cold has moved out of my chest, and settled at a head cold complete with coughing, sore throat and stuffiness. It had hit me so fast Wednesday night. I hope that means it will run its course swiftly too.

I have sent in the last edit on a book review i am being published for in an academic journal. So this too is now off my list of To Do's.

It is currently 1:15am and I am reviewing what I have to do tomorrow... uhm today... after I wake up.

deposit cms payment
buy oils from Melange for chakra class
buy other stuff from other locations
pick up food supplies for chakra class (lemon-ginger chicken over fat rice noodles)
clean house in prep for Sunday's chakra class
read my chapter for Taoist Scriptures class

Relax LOTS... because fluids and rest get rid of colds. I'm just terrible at the resting part.

Over... and not...

2011-02-07T17:30:00.002-05:00

The funerary stuff is finally over. It has been a rough weekend. Not for me directly, or my hubby, per se... but for much of the rest of the family. DzaDza (grandfather) on the hubby's mother's side was close with much of the family and many took it very hard. I rubbed lots of backs and hugged some through their weeping.

It is finally done. Now they all go home and recover and learn to move on with their lives.

That means I am no longer on standby or on watch duty. That clergy duty is done too for the time being.

And through all this... I got zero homework done in the supposed 5 days off. It is like the universe is conspiring against me to get things done. I work out five days off and then have to deal with a funeral instead of homework. What is the message? Other than i have too much on my plate. I can't drop school. I can't drop work. I can't drop CMS. I have pretty much dropped everything else.

The stress of the funeral is now over. My love and support to the family.

Now to get back to overdue stuff. First on the list... laundry. Then I have to accomplish my new class paper outline and read 125 pages of sacred Taoist scripture. Tomorrow I have to prepare the presentation for class and print all the CMS-L1 materials. After class, I can get back to the older stuff: Taoist Sex paper, Wiccan exam reading, thesis revising and interviewing.

On Standby

2011-02-05T19:45:00.002-05:00

So, Hubby's grandfather died. Viewing is this weekend and funeral is Monday. I have been on standby, just in case someone breaks down.

Tossed the hubby off to do something fun while stay on standby and work on homework. Although some of the time was just used to recoup from my own burnout feelings.

Finished editing that article for publishing. It is now off. I am viewing it like the hubby suggested. Edits are normal. If they hated it, they would have rejected it.

Family is viewing at the funeral home today. Today is mostly focused on the foreign family members I think. Tomorrow, We are expected to be there. The hubby and his brother wish to be pall bearers. But his brother has been an emotional mess when my hubby asked if his brother wanted to do this honor. I want to hug him so much. Both of them. The hubby is doing fine so far. I am sure he will have some "weirdness" feelings over the coming days and months as I did when my grandfather died.

Guess I will get back to homework. Researching and reading and preparing for Tuesday's class. Also planning CMS classes for Wednesday. Then back to the paper.

I am sorry for the folks I had to let down this weekend. I just can't divide my energy anymore.

wasted complaint

2011-02-03T00:20:00.003-05:00

Hubby and i are awake due to the basement guy's TV/Stereo being loud... AGAIN.
We banged a whole lot with no response.
Called the police in, but they determined it was not excessive noise.
Hubby is furious.

I feel like we wasted everyone's time and that basement guy is going to get ... dunno what... yelled at for sure. Complaint to the land lord again tomorrow.

We need to move to a place that is a house with no upstairs or downstairs.

I feel like a neurotic fogy.

Death in the Family

2011-02-01T19:17:00.000-05:00

The hubby's grandfather just died suddenly of a heart attack today.
We are still gathering the details and are yet to sort out what our role is in the aftermath.

Please think of his family for me. The family is very close (Christmas is an 18-25 person affair full of love and sharing).

Yes, I am fine. yes, I think the hubby is ok-ish so far. we handle death probably better than most.
That means we may be needed to do stuff that level headed people need to do at times like these.

More news later when I have some.

editing

2011-01-31T22:32:00.002-05:00

For a short 600 some odd words, there sure are a lot of edits to do before publication.
I sometimes wish I had not written it.
Moments like this are demoralizing and make me think how much I might actually suck at writing.

Migraine from Hell

2011-01-25T14:34:00.002-05:00

I think my poor sleep lately has been me trying to fight something off. I have woken sniffly and headachy for days. I am just stubborn and don't wish to be ill. Today's migraine is blinding so I am skipping class. I'll take some excedrin and hope it eases. Maybe I will make it to class.

If not, I have to drag my ass in to meet folks for Gaia Gathering.

Off to OD on vitamin C...

I'll try to get more paper written through the ill.

The Paper

2011-01-24T20:35:00.002-05:00

Sex, gender and Taoism. The damned paper is now past the hardest part and is at 2600 words. progress I suppose. It needs a reread. I think it sucks. But I have class tomorrow and about 200 pages of a text in translation to read. So, I set aside the paper and look to the reading.

How many things can I juggle? How many times can I shift my hats and manage?

Having this weekend alone helped greatly with the paper. I need more devoted time to finish it. What can I sacrifice to achieve this and can I afford to do so?

I need this paper off my plate of responsibilities by the end of the damnable month! AND the fricking exam.

ugh...

2011-01-23T22:30:00.002-05:00

My arse is sore from sitting so long today reading about gender relations in accordance to Yin and Yang in early Chinese Taoism. I am glad to have been spoiled by delicious fish dinner, fine white wine, and cream puff dessert. In the background of reading, Netflix has been playing the new Robin Hood TV series season 3.

Now I stare at the paper pondering how to write the next paragraph. Now I have the choice of keeping this role i am on, or setting it aside to try to get some reading done for the class.

I think I will make that decision tomorrow. Off to enjoy the new bedroom set up and snuggle with the hubby!

Change and No-Change

2011-01-23T17:37:00.002-05:00

We have made changes today. The hubby came home around noon. I have set up the living room ready for paper writing. He mounted things on the bedroom walls for me. One day, we will have the rest of the bedroom furniture. Usually, when I focus on making changes in the house, I work with the living room / common room or the kitchen. This is the first time I have worked on the bedroom. We are missing a tall Malm bureau in birch and the matching bedside tables with drawers. We are also missing a plant to bring a sense of live in the room. I am debating between a fake one or a real one. I do not like the energy or implication of a fake one. yet, a living one will only become a snack bar for certain cats in our home. Zellers downtown had some nice big plants for only $12, that is worth testing the snack bar theory. Maybe I will be lucky?

At the same time, no changes have happened. I try hard... so very hard to hide my heart's sadness. No place for art. No headway in school. I feel so far behind in both. No ... child. I don't even know if it is possible. I try not to think about it too much. It is easier to throw myself into school, lessons, research, teaching and to not think about the things i cannot change.

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

All I want to do is worship, write, draw, paint, teach, and raise a child. Why can I not let go?

Lord and Lady, please
grant me the strength and courage
the endurance and determination
the creativity and inspiration
to complete what I have begun...

A Poet's Whisper

2011-01-23T15:36:00.002-05:00

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

in the thunder of the heart
the breath is but a silent whisper

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

the storm's cacophony
shrouds the gentle rhythm

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

the noise of the world
smothers the poet within

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

like the rush of breaking water
the paint screams upon the paper

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

finding again the hushes and peace
of line and word in creative expression

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

in the thunder of the heart
the breath is but a silent whisper

thump thump
thump thump
thump thump tac tac thump thump

Bright Morning

2011-01-22T09:28:00.003-05:00

I went to bed WAY too late (or rather early... 3 am) but I slept amazingly in the new bedroom arrangement. I am only a little sore for the rotten mattress. Today is full of household cleaning and rearranging and setting up for paper writing and homework.

Before I head off to teach, This is the plan:
- plow through more laundry
- wii fit routine
- shower
- the mountains of dishes
- breakfast
- mounting the stuff on the bedroom wall

Then I head out and pick up lunch on the way to class. The class ends at 3pm. I will then wander over to Bureau En Gros to inspect the printer I am somewhat coveting... and might come home with since mine if being finicky and not talking to my laptop where I do everything these days. Then I will pick up some groceries on the way home, if my arms are not full of printer. If i have a printer, then I will have to go straight home and then back out for groceries.

The evening plans:
- clean and organize the kitchen
- clean and organize the living room
- set up the living room for writing my paper and doing homework (yes, taking over the comfy places)
- print the homework book i need to read for Tuesday's class
- shoot off a fanfic chapter
- get down to business with my overdue paper

Wish me luck at getting it all done today!! the paper writing, i don't expect to get far in, but will be really ready for doing it all day tomorrow and Monday. Have a lovely, if bitterly cold, bright morning everyone!

Home Alone - 1

2011-01-22T00:44:00.003-05:00

So the hubby is away for the weekend and i am desperately trying to feel like i belong in my own home. This has been the problem since we moved. We moved the weekend before I started school and lost my cat at the same time. I spent the first semester working and looking for a cat. Never did i get to settle in. It has impacted how I think and feel. One should not hate their home or feel like it is not theirs.

So, while the hubby has been away, I have tackled things i wish would have just gotten done in the first place. Cleaned the bathroom, sorted my clothes, did laundry. Then focused on the bedroom. We can't afford the second bureau I want, so I moved the old tall one into the place I want the new one and did some rearranging, lots actually. And planned out where to put up pictures and corner shelves. I dug out the giant fan I got from Karyn as a gift and plan to put it on the wall for contrast. The wall behind the bed is so VERY bare. I am changing that in the morning.

Next project... the living room and set it up so I can dive into paper writing like I used to.

Between work bits, I watch movies with the new Netflix. Watched Origin (an anime with an incredible soundtrack), Born into Brothels (documentary about children of prostitutes in Calcutta and a woman photographer who taught them photography), and The Lover (French girl and Chinese lover in Saigon).

lots to do...

Homework Frustrations

2011-01-18T16:38:00.002-05:00

So i have had lousy sleep and zero homework focus. I have been unable to destress enough to think clearly.

What I tried this week was to spend a day at a different environment, my mom's. There was some success and much failure. The failure was that I could not get homework done with the distractions. The success, was that I got to destress and do some art. My mind was buzzing in the car ride home with ideas for what to write for my paper that is overdue, but they were lost by the time I got home. ALAS!

Cats were crazy all night and so I got no sleep and thus was migrainy all day today. I emailed my teacher to let him know I was unwell. There was no way I was going to sit in class not having done the readings and enduring a migraine. I did however have an idea for the paper i want to write for this class: Taoist Ordination. I included that in my email and exchanged advice.

Then I relaxed, did laundry, planned supper, printed coven stuff... I managed to get through the writer's block with one of my fanfics. Ideas for my Taoist sex paper are re-peculating. I wish I have the whole week off to catch this wave of ideas and do/finish stuff.

The hubby is away this weekend so I will have the house to myself! That is kinda exciting. I will try to make GOOD use of that time to pace through my paper and talk to myself out loud with my paper ideas.

Early Start

2011-01-16T09:37:00.002-05:00

So I have been up since 6am. I was just... awake. That is what happens, i guess, when i actually get 5 solid hours of sleep. I slept funny and thus the shoulder is hurting again.

The intention was to feed cats, work out with wii fit, get chili started, start gluten-free bread, print off practice line art for coloring for tomorrow's play date with mom, and clean house before folks arrive for the day.

What has actually happened?

Fed the cats (like they would let me sleep in HAH!). Chili is in the crock pot now, bubbling away. Printed off the line art. Printed stuff for folks today. Did laundry and dishes.

Homework so far this weekend? ZERO... sigh...
Hopefully tomorrow I will get the class readings done and maybe some of the overdue term paper.

Yule Round Seven

2011-01-16T00:52:00.002-05:00

This has been a really great Yule! Tonight was no less amazing. Two friends came over whom we have done Yule with for several years now. The hubby made turkey dinner and we had great company. Fun includes all of us playing Rock Band and after dinner playing Settlers of Catan.

Here are the gifts i thank them both for:
- Friga iced cider in a PRETTY bottle. I love pretty bottles and I love iced cider.
- home made pepper/peach relish and an apple spice chutney
- a bath bomb for fun
- and the most amazing t-shirt from Tee Fury... a Serenity one! WEEHEE!!

Thanks for a great night!

Lost Monday

2011-01-10T21:36:00.003-05:00

Poor sleep resulted in sleeping intermittently all day and getting nothing done.
I feel a mix of guilt for it. I should have done homework, wii fit, and cleaning.

Now...
I am staring at my paper feeling totally blank.
I am read a little of my homework for tomorrow.
My two fanfics have incomplete chapters that I can't seemed to get through.

Maybe next Saturday mom can host me for a homework day.
That way the household needs cannot distract me.
And maybe, if she is not mortified by reading about sex and Taoism, she can read my paper and give me pointers. Also, I can do art when I need a mental break.

Paperless Day

2011-01-08T20:01:00.003-05:00

Amazing how much housework can get done when you are avoiding the paper.

I was woken by crazy cats every 2-3 hours, so sleep? what sleep?

Loud banging yelling neighbors upstairs and downstairs ensured I did not sleep in. Hubby left for some poker tournament for the day and night. I hope he has great fun.

I have been doing laundry all day. I did my wii fit basic routine, but not the extended routine. Why? Because i have been doing laundry, which means MANY trips up and down the stairs. That's exercise too! I did edit the paper that has been written thus far, but added nothing new to it. Instead, i focused on the house that has been ruining my focus with all that has NOT been done. I thoroughly cleaned the bedroom, including under the bed. I dusted it and worked out where the prints will get mounted, but i need the hubby to mount them. I made arrangements with my parents to take a trip to Ikea to get a frame for the new big print.

Thoroughly cleaning the bathroom was next. I even put up a new shower curtain. Yes, I remembered to have breakfast and lunch today. Apple sauce, tea, scrambled eggs with cheese, grilled cheese, sweet potato, apple turnover. I worked a bit on some photography I did and set up some prints to sell online through Deviant Art. Then I arranged to go on a date with my mom to the art store. I still have a $100 gift certificate I haven't used.

The majority of the day was spent extracting emails for a database list for the Gaia Gathering call for papers. Then I emailed every relevant educational institution with this call, province by province. It took HOURS to do all this. I have concluded that my shoulder pain is the mousing and the wrong height for my laptop on my computer desk. Cause now I HURT!!! I started cleaning the kitchen, but must wait for the first load of dishes to be done before I can clean more.

Now I am wiped. I still have more laundry and kitchen cleaning. But i am done sitting at this desk. Going to go watch a movie or play a video game or SOMETHING FUN.

Back to School

2011-01-04T23:57:00.002-05:00

The early rise at 6am - ish was too rough after a bed time of 3am. So at 8am after hubby woke and cats were fed, I went back to bed. The plan was to be up and working on overdue stuff, have a wii fit morning workout, emailing mania, and reviewing the overdue paper. Then I would run errands and go to the new class.

What happened was I was dead to the world till 1pm, dragged myself kicking and growling from bed to leave the house at 2pm. Attempted to run my first errand, but the city hall was closed. CLOSED!? again... I will try that again Friday. Then attempted to run the errand of picking up books for class at the school bookstore. The line-ups were INSANELY long. So gave up on that. Good thing though, because once in class with the teacher's umpteenth revision on the readings, i would have had the wrong books. SIGH!

Class was great and exciting. I am much enthused! Funny since he usually stresses me. Maybe I am now used to him and know how to manage him and his stresses? The interesting subject matter helps. I went with some students from the class afterward and we bought the correct books.

I have been a mental mush since I got home. So I watched a movie (The Tourist) and wrote some easier fanfic. That pesky fight scene got written and posted. I want to get the next installment of that fic (Assassins Creed) out by the weekend. The Harry Potter fic is the easy one now as it it is in the growth stages. Tying up the loose ends as one comes to a close of a story is harder than I thought, especially with fans reading and begging it not to end. All stories come to an end. Then begin again. Guess when I end it, I will have to write a sequel. But been too mush-brained to even really write much.

Probably because I got ZERO vacation. I keep telling myself that I need a country house just to get away for a weekend a month. I wonder what the cost of a B&B somewhere might be. Maybe I can do that? But then I need a car. ARGH! Maybe there is a local-ish B&B that I can pretend is in some foreign land where I go to work on paper and writing projects. Do I deserve a weekend away for that?

Monday Me day

2011-01-03T15:45:00.002-05:00

I lazed in bed till like 2pm. It was great. I diligently ignored life for daydreaming for a little while.

Been out of bed now for a couple hours. I downloaded Samurai 7 since I want to watch it again. I perused my tweets to find news from Concordia's bookstore. Someone busily tweeted that it is insanely busy. I will wait for a bit then. They have 2 of the 5 books I need for my new Taoism class. Two others already belong to me and one is out of print. I have it on order with Amazon.com.

There is something in the energy drinks that make me feel ... normal. Well normal for me. Normal meaning that I am alert, excited and happy about things I need to do and not demoralized and depressed and dragging. Must be the energy. I should buy stock in the company. Actually, I should buy a case of drinks. Must pay some other stuff first. I will drink the ones I have for now.

On today's agenda, meditation, wii fit for 30min (yes, getting back into it), write that damned fight scene now that I have a youtube vid of the fight to use for reference, make that database of emails I need for tomorrow, and dig back into my paper.

Have a great Monday and start of January!

2010 - Lessons Learned

2011-01-02T23:36:00.002-05:00

*inspired by Roo!*

New years Resolution: Finish what I started.

I am still trying to wrap my brain around 2010. It was (still is til February 3rd) the year of the tiger. And it was like hanging onto a tiger's tail. Fast furious, dangerous, whipped about, confusing, stressful, uncertain. Always playing catch-up with claws about to strike me. It was also about learning to take charge and be assertive. Drawing the line and knowing where to stand. Also, figuring out when and where to let go. So, what have I learned?

If you don't ask, you will never receive. If you don't speak up, know one will ever know.
At the beginning of the year, I wanted to get back to school. I struggled hard to try to figure out how all by myself. But I am not all by myself. I am married and have to learn that we share many things. But sometimes I have to ask for them. He can't read my mind and know what I want, when I want it, or if I am stuck and unable to do something unless I speak up. In light of this: Trust your partner. They are friend, support, comfort.

I can't do everything, and so sometimes I will fall.
I am still struggling with this one. I want to do everything. I try to honor all my commitments. Sometimes the commitments get thrust on me all at once and I try hard to juggle them. The hard part is when I fall. I forget that I am only human and that people know this even if I forget. When I fall, I feel like I have failed everyone. Falling is a sign of being overburdened and that we must sometimes fall to learn our limits, to learn how to pick ourselves up or ask for help. All hard lessons that I am being faced with repeatedly this year. Biggest: it is ok to fall, we are human after all.

You will never succeed if you just give up.
There is a student out there I have to thank for that lesson. Often, very often, I have wanted to just throw away my studies and give up. Even now. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, not give up.

Let go.
There are some things I have clung to so very hard that worrying about them has ruined much of who I am and who I have wanted to be. Letting go is not giving up, it is releasing your hold and maybe coming back to it later when the timing is better. Children. That is where I have had to let go. I want children. So bad it hurts. But wanting it so badly has hurt many aspects of my life and stalled my ability to function in some areas. By letting this go for now, I have been better able to focus on the present responsibilities.

Accept the praise graciously and take your joys where you can. What are you doing if you are not happy?
I tried several new things from playing some video games to writing fanfiction in genres I never written before. All fun and interesting and have giving me an outlet and source of creativity. The positive feedback has helped nourish my soul that was withering thinking I could do nothing right nor well. We all need to do something fun for ourselves. And we all need to simply say... thank you.

Take time for you.
It took me the better part of 30 years to learn that Mondays were my best ME days. Now I hold them sacrosanct. I do what I want on those days, whether it is cleaning, homework, or just lazing about or having fun. We all need a day or two to recoup and regenerate.

Just because someone doesn't understand you, does not mean they do not love you.
This has been a hard year of losses and changes. Some friends do not understand. Sometimes the husband didn't understand. It was hard to go through some of the things I went through while not being understood. It felt like I was not loved. But that is not true. They loved me very much, and though they did not understand, they were and are still there for me.

What have you learned in 2010?

Diary of a Scarlet Cougar

Just for fun - part 7

Lit from Within - Part 6

Just for Fun - Part 5

Just for Fun - part 4

Just for Fun - path 3

Just for Fun part 2

Just For Fun part 1

Body & Soul

Post Yule 2011-2

Post Yule 2011

Has it been that long?

testing something

The Pyramid

Day 4 of NaNoWriMo

Day 1 of Nano

Excited!!

Editing Life

Is this real?

October Projects

Detroit Day 2

Detroit Day 1

Trying

catching up

4 of 7

3 of 7

2 of 7

CMS Level 2

Huricane Hell?

Birthday Update

Birthday Wishlist

New Kitten

Cats Purring

Meditation #4

Monday Happened?

Relaxed Day: Anniversary

Meditation #3

Purge & Discover

Meditation #2

Meditation #1

Early Start to the Day

success...

futility?

priority shuffling

Great and Not

Canada Day Stepping Forward

world is slowly changing

Has it been that long?

Recovering

New news...

News is in

Invisible

Rough Ride

Progress? YES!

OMG... I had a Monday to ME!

Want a Queen Bed Frame?

Mom Found It and Sent It to Me...

check check check

Big News in triplicate!

Monday Monday

Just a Little Update

Nothing Smooth Today

Breathing Again

Big News!!!

Monday Me day

Idea

*growl*

10 Days

Black & Blue...

Year of the Rabbit... holy moly

Brain Hurts

Still Holding my Breath

Thanks and Stuff

Glasses = Shoes

Spring Yowl

Hold

Another Decent Day

How is your day?

Rose

Blessed Monday

growl